Monday, November 03, 2008

spit don't make babies

It's been awhile since I added to my Lyrics Hall of Fame (in fact, almost a year and a half). This classic, "No Compute (Spit Don't Make Babies)" by Funkadelic is absolutely irresistable. Basically, any song that employs the phrasing "copping haberdashery" is guaranteed a spot on my list.

Ah, I awakened from a wet dream in which I was restless
My imagination could no longer take me there
So I slid into my copping haberdashery
And gave into the original jones: sex.

Now, my sexy jones was below sea level
The hornies occupied my being
I was at that stage where most men would say,"Hey ho', it's your life or your lay."
But I was cooler than that.
She said, "No compute."

I spotted a lady who was also on the prowl
I could tell by her makeup, plus the scent was there
So I sashayed over to her, and, ah, spoke of my plan
She screamed and said, "Are you asking to make love to me?"
I said, "Is pig what's in pork?
Or you gonna play hard
After all the trouble you went through to get chosen?"
She said, ah, "No compute."

Finally, she said, ah, "I could, ah, probably go for what you're talking about.
But it's really about my birth control pill."
I said, "All looks are not alike, all holes are not a crack.
When in doubt, vamp. Or at least ad-lib.
And of course you know that spit don't make babies."

She smiled, and said, "No compute."
But I could tell that she was getting interested.

So off we went!
There was fun to be had, love to be made.
"Strange", I said to myself after I laid,
Smoking a last joint before I went to sleep
"What a man will go for when the hornies, ah, set in."

Well, suddenly as she laid there, mouth wide open, wig half off, snoring
Breath smelling like a 1948 Buick
I was sick with the filthies, and she smiled in her sleep
As if to say, "All looks are not alike, all holes are not a crack."


Alix d'Laire said...

oh wow. awesome much. I went to my first funk concert recently! it was crazy! and really good! Parliament/Funkadelic may become a favourite...

Katelin said...

oh gracious that's funky, haha.

this wheel's on fire said...

haha you're so great!

Jen (MahaloFashion) said...

loves it.

Anonymous said...

Why doesn't anyone write lyrics like these anymore? They're absolute gold. The hornies can get you into all sorts of trouble...

Mimi said...

Love the funky lyrics, awesome blog!

xo xo

Aretha said...

George Clinton is a god, sooo unique

Keith said...

I love this tune. Very cool lyrics. I'm a big fan of funk.

Cris Lazoru said...

those lyrics are sick


Krystal said...

haha! amazing. and you are so right, every time i watch Almost Famous and see the ben fong torres scenes, i get a little giddy, and of course yann wenner as well.

Twiggy Mod said...

Bring Back The Funk


Sister Libby said...

My personal favorie line:

""Hey ho', it's your life or your lay".
But I was cooler than that. She said, "no compute.""

You've got a knack for finding interesting songs.

Cate said...

Cool lyrics. I love lyrics that tell a story. ^^

Sunniva said...

Haha GREAT lyrics! And I am definitely going to start saying "Is pig what's in pork?" when someone asks me something which is so obvious.

Juliet said...

well, there's a one.