give up the funk....seriously, snoop, leave it to the pros

Just need to take a quick break from the 7 Things that define me list, because, goddammit, I've got something on my mind.
Now, I personally am a fan of hip-hop - give me some Outkast, Busta Rhymes, Jockin Jay-Z, Mos Def, Talib Kweli and I will purr contentedly like a kitten on morphine. However, it is far too often that hip-hop abuses the precious gift called The Funk.
James Brown is the most sampled artist of all time, but Parliament-Funkadelic is a close second and some of the clumsy samples I hear make my ears hemorrhage.

The main offender:

Snoop Dogg.
Now, it is not to say I hate Snoop Dogg, because in fact I find him highly likable - I think his performance of Huggy Bear helps. But when I thought about hip-hop songs that figuratively raped that good ol funky thang, 4 out of the 5 that first popped into my mind were courtesy of the Dee Oh Double-Gee. The other was Ice Cube.

• "Flashlight" by Parliament vs. "Stoplight" by Snoop Dogg
  I am secure enough to admit that Snoop Dogg pimping whilst riding a Segway is badass on a whole nutha level, but he even jacks the opening "How else can you capture the world if you dont attack from the back...to the rear, march!" from P-Funk's "How else can you capture a boogie if you dont attack from the back...to the rear, march!" It must have been difficult to make one of P-Funk`s most joyous cuts sound so labouring - and it almost sounds like he got George and Bootsy to sing back-up? Could be wishful mishearing, though.
  I must admit, the fun video is making this song borderline enjoyable, but the bottom line is that it is just superfluous - why would you ever listen to "Stoplight" when you could be listening to "Flashlight"?
  
  

  
  
  stoplight/flashlight
  
• "Get Down On It" by Kool and the Gang vs. "We Just Wanna Party With You" by Snoop Dogg and Jermaine Dupri
  Now, Snoop isn't fully to blame on this one - it is technically Jermaine Dupri's (who I have to give mad credit for the Godfather II reference - Don Ciccio? Badass!) And
  it is, I must admit, a very enjoyable song (I've loved it since I got the Men In Black
  soundtrack at age 10) - until you hear the Kool & the Gang song that it (forgive my
  vulgarity on this one) rapes. The 70's original makes the 90's sample/cover sound weak, cheap and silly.
  
  

  
  
  get down/we just wanna
  
• "Give Up the Funk (Tear the Roof Off the Sucker)" by Parliament vs. "Undercova Funk (Give Up the Funk)" by Snoop Dogg
  I'll admit that this number - undoubtedly P-Funk's most well-known cut - is probably my least favourite of theirs. I'm not sure what exactly it's missing for me, but what it needs definitely isn't sparing substitution of the word "gangsta" for various lyrics, or some lazy rhyming. "Man, these suckas on the mic ain't sayin' nothin'" Snoop complains - well ain't that just George Clinton calling Bootsy Collins one badass motherfunker.
  
  

  
  
  give up the funk
  
• "Atomic Dog" by George Clinton vs. "What's My Name?" by Snoop Dogg
  There is really nothing to say here but Snoop doggy dooooooooogggg..uh, I mean, A-tom-ic dooooooggggg.
  
  

  
  
  doggystyle
  

my heart went bang shang a lang

7 Things That Make Me Who I Am - Part Two

2. My bangs

Though I consider my hair, and my bangs in particular, to be physically my defining characteristic, my overall attitude towards is fairly blasé. My basic policy is that as long as I have blunt bangs, what's going on with the rest of my hair is unimportant.

Logically, I used to be extremely careful with my bangs, allowing them to only be trimmed by a trained professional. Eventually, I began to allow my mother, who has had bangs her whole life and is near-professional at trimming her own, to give it the odd go when I couldn't make it (read: was to lazy to venture) to my hairdresser's. Soon, in a fit of desperation, I began to trim my own bangs.

And lately?
A couple weeks ago I trimmed my bangs in my cousin's yard without a mirror.

Check out that Bob Masse Led Zeppelin poster though - gorgeous, hey? Nicola bought it for me for no reason...I have no idea what I did to deserve such a glorious friend. And for the record? Nicola's got some badass bangs as well.

...the kind you find in a secondhand store

The lovely Michelle from stray cat blues (check out her blog for inspiration from this classy lady with impeccable taste) sort of tagged me to list seven things that make me, me. She didn't explicitly tag me, but she tagged all her readers and gave me a special mention, which made me nearly-literally weep with joy and gratitude.
In any case, one of my great joys in life is talking about myself so I am thrilled to share with you, one at a time,

7 Things That Make Me Who I Am - Part One

1. I go shopping at least three times per week.
Thrift-store shopping of course! For myself and my online vintage store - people often ask how I manage to find the wondrous haberdashery that I do and the "secret" (if you could call it that) is simply effort. Well, okay, it's not as simple as all that - I've been to some towns where the thrifting is just miserable. To be a thrift store success as I am, you need the following combination:

• Good thrift stores
  Living in a more affluent area helps, but it really comes down to the variety of people who would be donating to these thrift stores. I personally live in a community that is both fairly wealthy and full of retiring hippies - a recipe for good thrifting if I ever heard one!
• Dedication
  Yeah, going thrifting a couple times a month will yield results - but if you go three, four, five times a week, you get to snag the exciting pieces before anyone else. Hell, I'm all for daily thrifting, but with my busy laying-in-bed schedule, it's just not always possible.
• Sense of self
  It's good to know specifics of what you're looking for - for example, I favour ethnic patterns, fur and beaded jewelry. When you're in a rush, it's easier to skim for what you like.

That's not to say I don't enjoy some good cheap mall jeans, because I overindulge in those $15 Body Central jeans that last surprisingly long. But my secondhand goods add a much-needed shot of soul into my wardrobe.
Let's play a little quiz game to discuss thrift store clothing further - here's a bunch of pictures of me. Which of these outfits do you think were bought at thrift stores and which were bought at the mall?

Answer: Trick question! They are all thrift store finds. All of them! Every last one - shoes, belts, hats, scarves, the clothes themselves...all but the umbrella, I scrounged up at thrift stores.
The most expensive item? The suede, fur-trimmed groupie coat, top row centre - $10.

Bow down.

pretty party clothes crocheted of snow

So whilst perusing (and I'm using the original definition here) my own blog the other day, I noticed that it has been literally months since I harassed you guys with a shameless plug of my online vintage store SAFE AS MILK VINTAGE.
Well, even if I've been slacking "h-core", as kids (some kids at least) say these days, on my blog, I've been hard "at work" with my store - thrifting, altering, photographing, shipping...
I do offer a 10% discount to readers of my blog, so if you see anything you're interested in, just let me know and I'll work something out.

Here are some of the items I've recently added:
Vintage Red Velvet Slouchy Hat
This one totally reminds me of something Marianne Faithfull would wear. Gorgeous rich hippie look.

Price: $20

ashcan reader price: $1870's Psychedelic Hippie Mini Dress
Price: $30
ashcan reader price: $27
70's Belted Floral Midlength Dress
Price: $20
ashcan reader price: $18

70's Ethnic Button-Up Bohemian Maxi Dress
Price: $30
ashcan reader price: $27

80's Abstract-Print Poncho Dress
Price: $30
ashcan reader price: $2770's Ethnic Hippie Dress
Price: $30
ashcan reader price: $27
80's Laurence Kazar Blue Sequined Party Dress
I just adore this dress - the colour, the length, the sequins. If I had more formal events that I went to, I'd definitely keep it for myself, but since I don't really have the chance to dress up often (besides to dance around my own room) and, won't lie, I need money, I figure I'd pass on the love.
Price: $50
ashcan reader price: $45
Men's 70's Embroidered Button-Up Shirt
This is the greatest shirt I've ever seen and the only reason I'm sad that I don't have a boyfriend is because I have nobody to force into this shirt - so force your stylish man into it, and enjoy the rare sensation that is me being jealous of you.
Price: $30
ashcan reader price: $27

This is just a taste; I have many new and exciting listings here and don't be shy about getting in touch with questions or comments!

music men wrote songs about her, some said it sweet, some said it very mean

I must tell you guys about a really touching and inspiring movie I saw last night. I'd seen it before when I was younger, but my naive mind was unable to fully grasp it.

The protagonist is a brilliant fashion designer with an eccentric hairstyle and impeccable taste - some might call her a bitch, but every strong, independent woman gets called nasty names by those who are intimidated by their self-reliance.

One such person, the husband of an employee, even goes so far as to write a song mocking her aggressive ways. Catchy though the song may be, it is highly typical of this bullying man, who taunts her mercilessly - even his dogs get in on the act, calling her a "devil woman". Pretty tough talk from a being known to eat its own feces.

With her bumbling-but-well-intentioned henchmen, she embarks on a noble quest to craft a most perfect collection of spotted coats, but this couple and their pets refuses to allow this, muscling her hustle at every opportunity. Don't hate the player, Radcliffes, hate the game. The pets even use their sneaky animal advantage to connect with other dogs across the county, managing to simultaneously undermine our heroine and irritate neighbors for miles.
But even with the odds stacked against her, the plucky fashion designer doesn't give up! A testament to ambition, she continues to fight for her art. Unfortunately, the movie takes a tragic turn when, in a race against time and a truck that the dogs have (surely illegally) stowed themselves away on, the elements turn cruelly against her as well, and a snowy car crash ensues. Miraculously, she survives, but her luck stops there: the puppies, even the ones rightfully acquired from pet stores, find asylum with the Radcliffes. As for our girl, well, at least she's got her to-die-for white coat. And elegant red gloves. And gorgeous turquoise ring. And dramatic skin tone. And uber-badass cigarette holder.

So, really, methinks she was the winner all along. And while Anita and Roger are trying to co-ordinate doggy bathtime times one-hundred-and-one, Ms. Cruella de Vil will be lounging in her furs, hacking up a lung and enjoying her legacy as one of the most gloriously inspirational movies characters of all time.

P.S. You may have noticed that I've added advertisements to the blog - if you weren't incredibly offended by this post and my love for fur, maybe you'd like to do me a "solid", to use the parlance of our times, and click on a link or two. It puts a little money (and I do mean "a little" - pocket change, but I appreciate it ever so much) in my bank account.

i'll be a big noise with all the big boys, so much stuff i will own

I'm back! After a beautiful summer of, uh, obsessively watching Real Chance of Love 2: Back in the Saddle (because I don't get it here in Canada) I'm back home in BC and the below-80 degree weather makes up for not being able to ogle Real's shiny weaves on a nightly basis (thanks, VH1's obsessive/compulsive super-redundant programming mode!)But my Real infatuation is fodder for a whole new post on it's own (and I'm not joking, so prepare yo' self) - today, I shall be imparting on you some musical inspiration with

10 Songs I'm Into At the Moment

1. "Computer Games" by George Clinton
It was on George Clinton's first solo album, but in reality, it's pretty much a P-Funk track cuz the gang's essentially all here - Bootsy, Garry, Bernie, Junie, Maceo, Eddie... This whole album has a more electro feel, and it does feature George's most well-known song "Atomic Dog", but I can't get enough of this track, especially the lyrics, which are characteristically witty.
I can outdrum a beat...I can outdance a floor...I can holler for more

2. "Break Ya Neck" by Busta Rhymes
I have requested to my loved ones that if I somehow die by cervical fracture, this song be played while my casket is being carried in. Listen to it in that context - it heightens the experience.
And, like all Busta songs, the video is tres amusant.
And we get a little HIGH, and we get a little DRUNK, and we get a little CRUNK, c'mon!

3. "Friend or Foe" by Jay-Z
It's embarassing that I slept on Jay-Z for so long, but now I am obsessed with his Reasonable Doubt debut. This track combines the Godfather gangster-ness that I love with Jay-Z's undeniable wit.
You're twitching - don't. do. that/You're makin me nervous/My crew? Well, they do pack/ Them dudes is murderous/So, please, would ya put your hand back in sight? They don't like to see me nervous/You can understand that, right? Your draw, better be Picasso/You know, the best/Cuz if this is not so, ha, God bless

4. "Vitamin C" by CAN
Wikipedia calls it "krautrock", their website says they're "doch der Einfluß dieser Werke strahlt bis in die jüngste Gegenwart", but I just say they rock in the freakiest, most badass way.
A beautiful blows, I stay at the corner/She is living in and out of tune

5. "Big Love (acoustic version)" by Lindsey Buckingham
I know it's originally a Fleetwood Mac song, but I much prefer Lindsey's solo acoustic version. As I've stated infinite times, I prefer Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac, but Lindsey Buckingham is clearly insanely talented.
Oh, I'll build you a kingdom in that house on the hill

6. "Big Time" by Peter Gabriel
I doubt I'm really introducing this to anyone, but recently I've been craving this song incessantly. The video is unsurprisingly brilliant as well.
I've worked it out - I'll be stretching my mouth, to let those big words come right out

7. "Junker's Blues" by Champion Jack Dupree
I'll admit that I don't listen to as much blues as I should, but I love Champion Jack Dupree's voice and this song's badass lyrics attracted me pretty easily.
Some people crave for chicken, and some crave for a house steak, but when I get loaded, lawd, I don't want my milk and cake

8. "Death of an Electric Citizen" by the Edgar Broughton Band
Some more freak rock - if you're a Captain Beefheart fan, you might enjoy this heavy, bluesy band.

9. "Brick House" by the Commodores
Quite simply just a perfect song to git down to.
36-24-36 - ow, what a winning hand!

10. "Get Low" by Lil' Jon & the Eastside Boyz, feat. the Ying Yang Twins
Party hip-hop exactly how I like it: filthy. Whenever I start to feel a little bit guilty about liking this song, I remember that George Clinton loves it, and even covered part of it when I saw him in concert - and GC is never wrong.
Can I play with your pantyline? The club owner said I need to calm down

august 18

chocolate-coated, freaky and habit-forming

Today is a pretty magical day and I have been able to feel it in the air - it crackles with the smooth electricity of Funk. You see, my friends, today is the day that Dr. Funkenstein himself, George Clinton, turns the big 6-8.

Yes, this will be a slack post, but it will also be a devilishly enjoyable one, for there is no soul on this planet that makes a picture come to life Harry Potter-style (yes, I saw Half-Blood Prince and, yes, it was freaking awesome) like George Clinton. For further proof, see my George Clinton tumblr. In the meantime, I challenge you to peruse this pictures without feeling your spirits being lifted.

I'm heading off to South Carolina so it's highly unlikely that I'll post again before late August. I hope your summers are phenomenal and if P-Funk is in your town, don't miss out. You won't regret it.
Sorry, but I probably won't have time to respond to comments - I feel pretty terrible about this, but I do love reading your comments and I do read a lot of your blogs!