Tuesday, March 02, 2010

i brought you in the back just to have a conversation, really think you need some ventilation

My Potentially Controversial Opinions on Various Topics:

If you don't care, stop reading now.

Look, I don't demand much from a pop star. The lyrics can get lazy (I still love you old-school Black Eyed Peas). You don't have to sell out stadiums (Amerie forever holds a place in my heart). You don't even have to be that great of a singer (Britneyyyyy). But I do want a pop star to have something, that quote-unquote "It factor". CHARISMA. This is why I can't stand Rihanna.
Don't get me wrong. I love her song "S.O.S." and that will likely never stop. However, it's not as though no one else could have made that song great. In fact, it would have been massively improved without her dull, intoning voice. That song's greatness is the production and the sampling. That Rihanna is the singer is pure chance.
What I strongly dislike about her ("hate" is such a strong word) is that she has no personality whatsoever. Is that just me? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here!
Does nobody else on this planet notice that her eyes are like an emotionless void. She just seems so dead all the time. And I think her new "bad girl" image is painfully contrived.
She seems like the kind of girl who just does what she's told and it pisses me off how she's becoming a symbol of strength. This ain't Tina Turner, guys.
Though, clearly, I'm the one who is missing something here, because she is wildly successful. And you know what? I'm wrong. It's because of her distinct lack of genuine personality that she has thrived so. She is the "perfect" pop star because she can be whoever suits the record label's interests best.
That won't build you a nice warm nesting in the inviting place that is my heart, RiRi.

Roman Motherfucking Polanski:
Now, I am a big fan of Roman Polanski's work, and I adored his autobiography, but I'm not simply blindly defending him when I say let him go! My two main reasons for this:
1. He is clearly not a continued threat. Since the situation in the 70's, there has been no further complaints. He has settled down and married.
2. This is the more important one, in my opinion. His "victim" has repeatedly begged the court to not pursue the case.
What is the reason sex offenders are prosecuted? To prevent further incidents and to avenge the victim. If he isn't a threat and the victim desperately wants the case dropped, what purpose are we serving?

Am I saying celebrities should be exempt from the law? Not necessarily. But I do think high-profile artists like Roman Polanski should not be treated like your average neighborhood pervert. And that's just my opinion.

People find this surprising but I love. T-Pain. And yes, you have to pause after that "love" to get the proper emphasis. No, I don't like everybody and their step-third-cousin using AutoTune, but everything in moderation, people, and T-Pain owns that shit. I've raved about his genius ("And let me assure you: I use that word often" - Tracy Jordan) before. I had a lot to say on the subject but it was simply the same themes over and over: subversive yadda yadda, statement on the depth of human emotion yadda yadda, really sweet dance moves yadda yadda, P-Funk-esque top hat...
I also have a playlist on my iPod called "I'm T-Pain, you know me"

Family Circus:
People who know me well know a few things: I have a deep, semi-unexplained love for Scatman Crothers (mostly based on the awesomeness of his name), I cannot sleep with a TV or light on and I will get huffy until that is remedied and I have a blind rage for Family Circus that I can rant about for minutes. I'd say hours, but, really, let's be reasonable.
I believe Family Circus is the devil disguised in an "innocent" family comic strip. Why? Because it defies all logic. It is a comic strip that is never funny. I am not exaggerating. It is literally never funny. And it's not even amusing in a so-bad-its-good way. More often than not, I can't even see anything that remotely resembles a joke. Sometimes its like, "alright, nice try, Family Circus, but that joke wasn't funny". But usually it's like, "That is just a sentence. I cannot even detect an attempt at a joke."
Oftentimes, I like to play a game with myself where I read the comics and judge what percentage of times that a comic strip is entertaining. For example, Doonesbury is funny 95% of the time, Dilbert is funny 80% of the time, Hagar is funny 10% of the time...Family Circus is the only one that scores 0%.

My theory: the author's idea of funny is getting paid for this bullshit.
A rudimentary understanding of the concept of infinite doesn't automatically translate to "funny", guy.


Hannah said...

ha i thought i was the only one who um... disliked? rihanna!

Eyeliah said...

so opionionated. lol I am glad you are so brave to out it out there. :) (P.S. I am a big Rihanna fan, lol)

Allison said...

I've missed you and your fabulous posts, pretty girl! This post is no exception.
I cannot stand Rihanna. Like, at all. I was complaining about the lack of fabulous artists/bands nowadays and saying that our generation really doesn't have people like The Beatles, that everyone goes bananas for. The person I was talking to responded, "Well, we have Rihanna." Vom, vom.

I adore that you have a playlist on your iPod dedicated to T-Pain. I cannot get enough of him - I have watched "I'm on a Boat" more times than I can count, partly because I have the hots for Andy Samberg, and partly because of mah boy T-Pain.
And Family Circus? Gross. You hit the nail on the head.
I've missed you!

Lexie said...

i LOVE "s.o.s." and "umbrella" ... but everything else as seemed really passe. i'm also sad she stole ciara & cassie's thunder right from under them ... i think they both had more goin on for them riri does. the truth is though, THE WORLD IS JUST LOOKING FOR ANOTHER AALIYAH, it's been YEARS AND YEARS and we still havent found her!

Sophia said...

so glad you're back, girl! happy 3 month late new year :)
and seriously, there is nothing funny about a family of pudgy kids who are, quite frankly, an enormous pain in their parent's asses. i'm waiting for the day when the parents turn around and slap them.

Cafe Fashionista said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you - I think I love you! I too will forever adore the song "S.O.S." but I see no appeal from Rihanna. She just seems so...blah, and blase. She never really does anything to spark an interest in me. :/

It's Always Sassy said...

hahahahaha this is great, i love it and cant agree more about the rhianna and polanski rant. hilarious

JuliAM said...

LOL. I in no way understand why he's getting paid for FC either...it's like he's not even trying anymore...at all, even in the slightest.

Belle said...

I love it when you post! Your rant on family circus was funnier then the family circus, just saying.

Maya said...

love this. oh my daaays rihanna is so dull. and i always forget where the 'h' in her name goes. and i don't know a lot of t pain but buy u a drank is actually one of my favourite songs.

GraceFace said...

I've never heard of Family Circus before.
But good grief, it looks awful.

Anonymous said...

So, to summarize your Polanski stance: 'he only raped someone, let's move on'?

That is a simple, blind defense, and it's unfortunate that you (and so many other rape apologists) cannot (or perhaps refuse to) see that.

I respect your opinion, but regret that it is not well-informed.

molly said...

you know, i wonder if you even read the paragraph i wrote about roman polanski? because that is absolutely not what i said at all. what i said was that since he's not a future threat, i think his victim's wishes should be respected and the case should be dropped. my opinion would be different if she was pursuing his conviction, but she's not.
it's not a simple defense or a simple matter at all.

gih said...

I miss this celebrity. And I really really like her.

Anonymous said...

1. Thank you for quoting Tracy Jordan.

2. Family Circus can suck my dick. Seriously. I can't believe I've found someone who hates it as much as I do. Can we get married.

3. Check out my Etsy store?



Gio Goi Jacket said...

Great post! i agree with the Rihanna part. Her voice is soo whiney!

Elle said...

Ha ha! In high school I would always read the comics and my friend walked up, ripped out the Family Circus cartoon and ate it. His statement, dude that's the lamest comic ever! It doesn't even make sense!
I'm glad you two could start a club :)

enterrement de vie de jeune fille said...

J'aime beaucoup la photo de Rihanna, je l'adore!!


Dahlia said...

agree with you about polanski

Anonymous said...

So we shouldn't treat celebrities the same as we normal, singularly "human" folk, eh? Our society might spiral into a horrifying vortex where fame is not deified, wealth is not rewarded, and democracy truly applies to all.

You're right. Roman Polanski should absolutely be let off, as if he's actually held responsible to the same laws which govern us all, we might be sending the message that celebrities are only people.

"B" said...

could not agree with you more about rihanna.