Friday, February 06, 2009

i can't help it if he be checkin for a platinum type of girl

There are some artists who are absolute geniuses, in the most retarded way possible. I think two of the best examples of this are T-Pain and R.Kelly. And so what do we get when they combine forces?
In the immortal words of T-Pain himself: "Greatness plus greatness equals great greatness."
Couldn't have said it any better myself.

Im A Flirt-RMX (ft. T.I. & T-Pain) - R. Kelly

What can one say about a song the calibar of "I'm A Flirt"?
To call it "brilliant" would be too easy, too cliche. To call it "the best possible song to sing while drunk" would be correct, but too obvious.
I will say that the first time I heard it, I wept. It was such a relief to finally find a song that expressed my deepest inner emotions, really spoke to me and described me so perfect. It was like R. Kelly had been reading into my figurative diary, the journal of my mind, and drew on that to compose this number.

"I swear to tell the truth and the whole truth...when it comes to ho's, I be pimpin' like I supposed to"
That line? Stolen word for word from something I said when trying to explain to a guy why I ditched him at a party for some other dude.*
"So, baby, don't bring your friends to meet me, unless your game is tight and you trust them, don't bring them around me because I'm a flirt"
If I'm actually serious about a guy (pfff, yeah right), I have to give him this warning before he introduces me to his pals. There have been instances in the past. Is his game ever tight? No. Did he trust his friends? Way more than he should've.
"Cuff your bitch, cuz hey: I'm black, handsome, I sing, plus I'm rich"?
I say that to every girl with an attractive boyfriend, and they usually cower in fear and insist on dragging their man out of the premises immediately. If they're smart.
"Now I'ma flirt whether I'm in or out of town, that's why they call me Teddy Bend Her Ass Down"
This is one of the few lines not directly stolen (though gender-reversed) from my life philosophy. I just had to give it a shout-out because it's incredibly cunning, if you got the reference.

I have to tell you, it's a relief to find a song that so thoroughly related to me, instead of simply the little "Play on, playette" at the beginning of "No Diggity". Sure, Mr. Kelly had to reverse the genders to make it applicable to himself (for example, when I pass by, they're all saying "She's so fly, and, yes, she's so coooool")
Anyway, I guess the truth is out. I'm currently not planning on suing, because the song is so goddamn good. Now I know how Roberta Flack feels - R. Kelly's been singin' my life with his words.
Girl, you know just who I am...don't hate!

*Pictures simply estimates of these two guys' appearences.


Kirstie Amber said...

no problem, i'll send you the link of the picture, cus i edited the colours on mine.

Grace*Face said...

Methinks you were obviously the muse for that song!

Katelin said...

this song always makes me laugh, it's so ridiculous, but so good, haha.

Jill said...

You crack me up! If I had a child, I would want her to be JUST LIKE YOU!

Sister Libby said...

I became really intrigued about the Mick picture coming from like, Mick is agile, I suppose...and yes, fantastic drunk song and you're incredibly observant.

Allison said...

No lie, every time I read your blog I fall in love with it even more.
You're absolutely hysterical, girl!

Allison said...

Oh, and I am obv following this blog now... I don't know why it took me so long to do it in the first place!

Mimi said...

Thanks for the heads up on this song, I'm lovin' it!


The Stiletto Effect said...

It's a cool song, although I prefer other styles of music!

ellie said...

I love how you reconstruct this for me. It helps so much.

Hope you're having a good weekend.

Crazy Eddie said...

That track is hot. I try my darnest not to like R. Kelly due to his alleged trysts with underage girls, but this muther-effer spits out hot hit after hot hit. I couldn't stop bopping my head to the sweet marriage of bold beats with crazed-out ignorant/genius lyrics.

"That line? Stolen word for word from something I said when trying to explain to a guy why I ditched him at a party for some other dude."


I wish you were in Brooklyn puffing with me.

Besitos para siempre

Anonymous said...

"greatness plus greatness equals great greatness?" that made me laugh so it.

The Clothes Horse said...

Hilarious! It might be time for me to re-think my lifestyle...

Gledwood said...

hey FINALLY I come across someone online who claims she IS older than I FEEL!!!

Keith said...

Hey Molly. Cool post. I always loved this song. I couldn't get it out of my head. I would be singing it for days on end. Glad to know I'm not the only one you liked it.

copperoranges said...

hahahahaha i love this song. dang.

i cant wait for you to analyze trapped in the closet.