Even though I am clearly not a fashion blog, it happens all the time* that I am often approached with this sort of thing: "Hey, I am attending an obscure event and I would like you to shamelessly plug your friend's vintage store by giving me suggestions of what to wear."
It is true that my mostly companion has an online vintage store, but the fact remains that I have no experience with fashion styling (though much experience in obscure events).
"I understand that you are not explicitly a fashion blog," the reply often** comes, "but you clearly have a most delightful taste in so many categories, I could not see how you could possibly fail."
How could I argue with that? (Though I know someone who could: One of the harpies at my friend's Catholic school ended up rushing over to me when I was visiting once, yelling "Uniform infraction!" just because my sweater had innocently slipped off my shoulder - with all the fuss she made you would've thought I was rolling around on the ground with my legs in the air, crying wantonly "I am a woman of loose morals - come get me, boys")
"This morning I received in the mail an invitation to attend a picnic for dwarves. I am not personally a dwarf but I am of very small stature.
The picnic is to be held in a meadow that is known for its mosquitoes. I am not particularly adverse to mosquito bites, except on my arms.
The mother of my gentleman friend is also attending and she has a known passion for famous vintage labels of the 1960's and 70's. I would like to impress her with my choice.
The invitation also specified 'prairie chic' as the desired dress."
Fear not, friend! I have the perfect outfit for you.
This is an authentic Gunne Sax (one of the most famous vintage labels of the 60's and 70's) prarie-style dress, with puffed netting arms. It is also quite small, so if you're petite and have trouble finding clothing that fits you, look no further. I've heard your anguished cries of "My bust is 29" and my waist but 24"...but my hips are freeeeeee!" Hush, you will pain no more. Just click here.
"I am a proud Goth (by the original definiton and not the tragic popular cultural misappropriation) and refuse to wear anything but black. However, my badminton club is having a Stevie Nicks-themed party. I would like to find an outfit that combines my Gothic background with Stevie Nicks' fantastic fashion sense.
Obviously I intend this for more than a one-time use, therefore this outfit could not look out of place in a cemetary, for one of my occupations involves making bouquets for funerals and I spend a lot of time in boneyards as research.
P.S. My boyfriend has a sexual fetish for bell sleeves. Usually I ignore it, but his birthday is approaching and I thought I'd indulge him..."
C'mon, challenge me a little! We have a clear choice.
"Gothic" and "Stevie Nicks" is an obvious overlap. Your dramatic sleeve-lovin' boyfriend will spontaneously orgasm at the sight of these bad boys. And this outfit was practically designed for the sole purpose of lurking in graveyards. Shh, you don't have to fight anymore. It's all here.
"My lesbian lover is graduating from engineering school this spring.
She's Russian-Canadian, I'm Filipina, and we live in Arkansas, but we've both had a life-long passion for Mexican culture. Therefore her graduation party has an express Mexian theme. Also, the party is in Florida, where it will be rather toasty come time for the event.
I am enjoy lace-utilizing haberdashery, because it makes me feel like I'm covered in snow (and by snow I mean those cut-out paper snowflakes - it's all I knew of such things as child).
I've been rubbing self-tanner on my shoulders because they get sore a lot at my job loading trucks and the only lotion I could find was bronzing. Therefore I would like to showcase my shoulders but please leave my comparatively pale stomach and thighs covered."
They don't call me Molly Miracle Worker for nothing! Er, "they" actually don't really call me that at all. But once you see what I have for you, you just might! Feast your eyes on this sexy number.
And Kayla Hyne ain't bad either! Flaunt your sunkissed shoulders in this superbly Mexican dress. The burgandy colour will look fantastic on you, I can tell, and this dress can keep the secret of your pasty (though I doubt you're that pasty; you're Filipino!) belly and thighs. Speaking of secrets, the lace-trimming just screams that you have one or two of your own up your sleeve. And at least one of those secrets has got to be "I'm not overheating like the rest of you suckers", because while this dress will surely protect you from Us Weekly's Fashion Police, it will let the breeze cool you down. Can you believe one dress can do so much? You'll believe it once you've seen it here.
"I am a Neil Young fan.
I want everyone I encounter to be aware of this fact.
P.S. And I gotta be authentic - no poseur bullshit!"
"My brother's girlfriend is one of those obnoxious holier-than-thou, PETA-type vegetarians who feels the need to remind me that with each bite of meatloaf, I am personally responsible for the torture and murder of every animal ever eaten, by humans or otherwise.
Anyway, she's having a tofu barbecue next weekend, even though it's still pretty nippy out. The attire is "formal".
I really want to piss her off."
I can relate - PETA sucks. And remember - the enemy of your enemy is your friend.
Meet this divine fur shrug.
Cosy? Check. Versatile? Check - it can be formal or semi-formal (or casual, if you're a free spirit!) Warm? Check. Real fur? Damn straight. I don't feel like making a case for fur all over again, but if you'd like to review my previous post devoted to how awesome, badass and gorgeous fur is, check it out here. And if you've realized (correctly) that you can't live another day without knowing this fur shrug is yours, click here.
"I have a general policy of only wearing dresses and skirts. And yet, I love versatility. Any skirt I purchase must also have the bonus of being worn as a dress.
After our tea, I am attending a music festival with some of my bohemian pals.
I need a garment that is applicable to both events, as I will only be bringing a small change purse (for those temporary tattoo machines in grocery stores - I can never resist) and cannot carry a full change of clothes.
I like ethnic embroidery."
Was your obscure event not covered?
Rest assured, there's something for everyone.
Nicola's Vintage Boutique
Because you can't find anything worth wearing anywhere else.
**Again, I'm using "often" as shorthand for "never"