Tuesday, December 30, 2008

shawty, let me holla at you, you so hot, hot, hot, hot, you think i'd be hollerin, if you not, not, not, not?

This is an important and festive season - it's also the time of year where I single out my favourite and most despised singles from Top 40 radio. Past losers have been Rihanna's "Unfaithful" and Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". Past winners have been Ciara's "Promise" and Kanye's "Can't Tell Me Nothing"
Despite stiff competition from Lil Wayne and Britney Spears (If "If U Seek Amy" had been a single, it definitely would've taken this), I've gotta give it to Chris Brown and T-Pain's "Kiss Kiss". Though technically, I think I might be squeezing them in, as I'm pretty sure this was released in 2007. Still, since I don't really listen to Top 40 radio, this song only caught my attention this year, and I love it. Sure, some of the lyrics are weak ("Why is you hatin' at my anatomy?"???), but overall this song (and video) are insanely fun.

And the song that came closest to convincing me to never ever put faith in top 40 radio again was Rihanna's absolutely horrendous, not-even-fun-in-a-guilty-pleasure-way "Take a Bow". I've always had a problem with Rihanna, and this is it: she's boring. I can forgive that she can't sing (though I loathe her whiny attempts), and I can forgive that she doesn't write her own music, but I cannot forgive that she has no stage presence at all and no reason (beyond bland good looks) for a career in entertainment. Say what you want about an artist like Britney Spears, but at her peak, she could march onstage and everyone would look at her, watch her and be entertained and, oh yeah, she can dance like a motherfucker. While I've never liked Rihanna, I saw her as inoffensive, another pop-tart being marched out to warble songs crafted by other people. However, when she duetted with the legendary band the Time at the Grammy's a year or so back, my mild annoyance went to knee-jerk dislike. And I'm not a fan of how she's now being recognized as an "innovator" - oooh, she cut her hair, she's soo edgy...what's this? Leather?? YIKES! Rihanna is a good girl gone bad! And now she's a fashion icon? Please, I bet that girl doesn't even remember what it's like to choose her own outfit.
Okay, breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth....(you should've expected this, it's Ashcan Rantings after all).
I'll focus on the song. Generic balladry at its dithering worst, with non-rhyming lyrics (a pet peeve of mine) that just ooze bitterness. Lazy similes and a weak voice make this the most frustrating combination for a pop song: boring and bad. I don't even understand how this got radio play. And, God, did it ever get radio play! I'm just glad that I haven't had to hear it for a couple months now...though we as a society haven't fully extracted ourselves from Rihanna's devilishly dull clutches - one day, I pray.
I don't want this godawful song being heard on my blog, if you feel the need to subject yourself to that pain, you may do so here

How do you feel? Agree? Disagree? Rihanna fan in a defensive mood? Bring it.


Pacing the Panic Room said...

"another pop-tart being marched out to warble songs crafted by other people"

You really do have a gift. so love your blog.

this wheel's on fire said...

Haha love you. Love this. Hate Rihanna...okay, maybe I don't hate her. But she sucks.


Miss Karen said...

I think that was the second time I've heard Kiss Kiss, I'm so out of touch with current music :( but I really enjoyed it - so damn catchy!

And I have absolutely no time for Rihanna - she is the mediocrity at it's most bland.

Krystal said...

i think...chris brown is hot, and too young for me :)

WAT said...

I so agree. I think Rhianna stinks! And so does BEYONCE! Although I guess I prefer BEYONCE over Rhianna, but not by much!

Ya know, Chris Brown is kind of sexy. Or is it just me?


Molly said...

i must admit molly (dont hate me for this) i did, for a couple of weeks, love her song rehab.
but that does not mean on any level that i like her as an artist. as i do NOT! :)
happy new year!
molly x

mary jane said...

yeah, she sucks, so do most top 40 peeps these days...

"if i were a boy" makes my ears bleed, and "womanizer" takes women's lib back to the dark ages by glorifying the player.

but the state of music these days is alot different then it used to be. the big execs aren't making money anymore and are sticking to the lowest common denominator to try and make some money.

happy new year!

Keith said...

Wow! I definitely can say that Molly doesn't like Rihanna. lol That's totally fine by me. I listen to very little Top 40 radio. Much of is sounds the same to me. It's the same crap being put out multiple times. It all bores me. Cool post.

Sarah Von said...

Ummm, I like that Rihanna rocks the big booty/little boobs combo? That's about all I can say for her. My heart belongs to Britney.

Cate said...

'Girlfriend', I hate that song.
Oh, and did you know that that Grateful Dead album is, by fans, referred to as 'Skullfuck'?
I never listen to the radio, the voices of the radio showmasters piss me off so much that I once threw a book at my stereo. But 'If U Seek Amy' is a song I liked too.
And Rihanna annoys me too. She has the worst stage outfits ever, haha.

Bajan Cowgirl said...

I totally disagree with you!

jds223 said...

Enjoyed the rant, chica. Not a Rihanna lover either...now, If you Seek Amy is a favorite on my playlist. I must have had to say it in a hundred different cadences before my husband got it. Happy New Year's!

yiqin; said...

I never really like Rihanna! happy New Year :)

Isabel said...

Hahaha, I love your rantings. A wonderful analysis of exactly WHY Rihanna sucks. Well said, my friend!

julie said...



copperoranges said...

i love rihanna! i cant help it. i mean you're right about everything, but i just love her! lol.

"you rollin shawty? let's get mcdonalds!" - my favorite kiss kiss lyric haha!

Interstellar Overdrive said...

As a hermit, I'm damn glad that intelligent people like you post opinions about current music. Musical competency in people of my generation always comes as a refreshing surprise. Thanks, as always, for keeping people like me connected to new sounds.

Mimi said...

My little sister turned me on to Kiss Kiss... And every time she rides with me in my car I turn it up I can't get enough of it! And the whole Rhianna thing is funny, you've made very good points, she's been getting on my nerves lately, and I cant stand Beyonce and this whole Sasha Fierce thing... Lame


Hope you had an amazing New Year!

Sister Libby said...

I knew that my obsessive watching of reruns would pay off sometime! And yep, the poly...thing is confirmed. And also, it's unsettling how much we seem to agree on. I clearly remember laughing at the first "you look so dumb...lalala" lines when I saw the music video. Fantastic rant. Happy new year also!

Sweet Davies said...

I totally agree--for the bajillion number of months that "Umbrella" was being played EVERYWHERE I WENT I was in complete agony. Her voice hurt my ears.

My friends thought I was completely insane. "How can you not like Rihanna? She's so talented! That's like not liking the Jonas Brothers!" Ugh. Don't even get me started on them. Sometimes I question my friendships.