throw your hands up now, let the music take control, this is how we roll

If you were born around the same time I was (late 80's, early 90's), you'll probably remember that glorious period of such musical richness known as the turn of the millenium.
Just to hit you in your nostalgia bone, here's some of the classics that exemplified the greatness of the times. We were truly blessed to be able to experience such classics in their prime.


Aaron Carter - "Not Too Young, Not Too Old" (2001)
You'd totally forgotten that at one point Aaron Carter was actually a pop star, didn't you? (Actually, more like you'd probably forgotten that at one point, people knew who Aaron Carter was) With his "fresh" beats and "def" rhymes, the original Mr. Carter was a rare musical progeny. Not afraid to get sassy ("Don't even playa-hate and try'n'say I look ten" - I wouldn't dream of playa-hatin' on you like that, Aaron - you look at least twelve) and not too proud to take advantage of his BSB connection by getting his older brother to sing the hook, Aaron was a brilliant meteor of star power and excellent rhymes - he could even awkwardly bust of some extremely white-boy breakdance moves. T-Pain, take note: Aaron busts out the AutoTune, robo-hook at 1:45 a good five years before you make your bread and butter on it. Aaron Carter: 2 - rap community at large: 0.
And the video ho's? You know the ones he's thrown his arms around and are rocking back and forth with him in a manner that looks extremely uncomfortable. They're definitely setting the standard for today's women of musical film. The way they lean out through giant R's and wave excitedly at Aaron? It oozes the sort of innocent sexuality that ends up with Aaron getting lipstick kiss marks everywhere on his face but the lips. Ouch.


Dream - "He Loves U Not" (2000)
You know these chicks mean business from the beginning: a little bit of piano paired with the girls posing in front of a neon sign of the band's name. And then...what's this? AutoTune again?? And to think all this time, I've been hailing T-Pain as a creative genius, and it's been the pop artists of the early oo's who innovated this trend. They just never stop influencin', do they?
Let's take a moment to appreciate their all-pink...what is that, suede? little dance suits. To anyone who thinks life has gotten continually worse since that 60's, look at how far we've come in the last decade, thank you. Also don't forget to appreciate the special effects at 2:49; I know my mind was blown.
It's nice that they add "And that's me" to the end of "He's into what he's got"...just in case we hadn't figured it out. Really, what this song makes me think is "They're going to be incredibly humiliated when their guy leaves them for this girl." Cuz it's inevitable! To paraphrase the Bard, "Methinks the lady doth protest too much" - if you're going to go on and on and on about how some common girl has no chance with your man, I think you're running scared a bit, dontcha think? However, the girl with the short blond hair just doesn't give a fuck. Look into her eyes - she's fantasizing about riding tractors with her girlfriend.
Still, pop genius courtesy of...Diddy? Mmkay, then.


O-Town - "Liquid Dreams" (2001)
You can't let the boy bands get off scot-free because, if anything, they were much worse. I mean, really, can you even believe now that millions of girls (and probably you - yes, you....J'accuse) wanted a man with frosted tips, sleeveless muscle shirts, suspicious facial hair, vinyl pants and an earring?
Even if you're too embarassed to watch the whole video, please, for your own sake, check out the overly enthusiastic "Damn!" at 0:37. It's also a little disconcerting that a thinly veiled ode to nocturnal emissions was such a splash (no pun intended...okay, intended a little bit now that I notice) among preteens. This thing really shows its age when you hear who exactly they combine to make their perfect girl.

Truly a flawless woman.


Crazytown - "Butterfly" (2001)
It's hard to sort this one into a genre...my instincts would call it shit-pop, but the band has lots of tattoos so it must be punk. It's sad but I've always found it amusing (on a most pedestrian level) when guys who obviously do lots of drugs wear the anti-drug D.A.R.E. shirts. But anyway, the dope rhymes keep this songs real - for example, "My lifestyle wild/I was livin' like a wild child". That one almost tricks you into thinking it's clever: "Whoa...quadruple rhyme." Don't be fooled.
Another fun, uh, feature is how they go from claiming that they don't deserve a woman to telling her that the smartest thing she ever did was take a chance with him. Textbook playa material - run, lady!
Anybody else get hardcore Zoolander flashbacks at 2:25?
The most notable thing about this song, for me, is that it contains one of my (many) pet peeves: when guys (usually in songs) think it's romantic to compare their own relationship to Sid and Nancy. That's almost...a murder threat. Yikes. Keep him away from hunting knives.