chocolate-coated, freaky and habit-forming

Today is a pretty magical day and I have been able to feel it in the air - it crackles with the smooth electricity of Funk. You see, my friends, today is the day that Dr. Funkenstein himself, George Clinton, turns the big 6-8.

Yes, this will be a slack post, but it will also be a devilishly enjoyable one, for there is no soul on this planet that makes a picture come to life Harry Potter-style (yes, I saw Half-Blood Prince and, yes, it was freaking awesome) like George Clinton. For further proof, see my George Clinton tumblr. In the meantime, I challenge you to peruse this pictures without feeling your spirits being lifted.

I'm heading off to South Carolina so it's highly unlikely that I'll post again before late August. I hope your summers are phenomenal and if P-Funk is in your town, don't miss out. You won't regret it.
Sorry, but I probably won't have time to respond to comments - I feel pretty terrible about this, but I do love reading your comments and I do read a lot of your blogs!

we'll tiptoe to the sun and do thangs i know you like

Everyone loves a good, classic love song, with all the "love's too weak to define just what you mean to me" and "if God one day struck me blind, your beauty I'd still see" that that entails. Those lyrics are beautiful...but let's face it, just a little bit cheesy (and besides, the best part of "Adore" is the killer vocal performance).

Personally, I find much more unconventionally romantic songs to be much more personal and engaging.

Here's some of the songs I would be honoured to have played at my wedding and, boys, how you can translate the sentiment behind them into a killer Valentine's Day card sure to woo the woman of your dreams.

Favourite Unconventionally Romantic Songs

"The Goose" by Parliament
Maybe it's not wisest to compare your special lady to a goose, a peanut machine, and eagle eyes for a mole. But then again, George Clinton was never really all about the "Oh, baby, I love you so much". Frankly, I'd be much happier if a guy said to me, "I'm as happy as a monkey with a peanut machine since I found you, but I don't need no nut machine cuz I'm nuts all over you."
"Prototype" by Outkast

If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you'll know that my love for this song runs very deep. Some girls might be offended by his suggestion that she is very possibly not his soulmate, but perhaps the prototype. Also, that he feels the need to add "...again" to his "I think I'm in love"s. I find its honesty stunningly endearing.

"I Love My Chick" by Busta Rhymes
Yeah, I know the original is "I Love My Bitch", but that one has completely different vibes and so this is one of the very rare times when I prefer the edited version of a song to the original. Here Busta praises his lady for wanting to "fuck in the clubs" and being "quick to do what she can, even if she had to get up and just lie on the stand." Among the other felonies he appreciates her committing for him is her willingness to "hold a stash for a fella" when he has to skip town.
Still, if a guy told me that his favourite thing about me was that I'm "the shit" and that I'm "truly thorough about the way that I be reppin' it hard", I would probably melt a little.

"If I Was Ur Girlfriend" by Prince
Undoubtedly one of the most stirringly beautiful love songs of all time, though the....phrasing of it all is undeniably quirky. Now, for those of you who couldn't figure it out, when Prince says "girlfriend" in this case he means "female best friend" - he's jealous of the closeness between between his girlfriend and her best friend. Even when taking this creative approach, Prince still knows exactly what women want to hear: "Would you run to me, if somebody hurt you, even if that somebody was me?" "Maybe you think I'm being a little self-centered but I want to be all the things you are to me" However, what strikes me most is "Can I dress you? I mean, help you pick out your clothes before we go out...I ain't saying you're helpless, but sometimes, sometimes those are the things that being in love's about"
My greatest dream would be to have a boyfriend that we could play dress-up and pick out our clothes together. Ahh, Prince.

unconventionally romantic

where did i go right? win without a fight

I had a fantastic holiday and I hope you all did as well.

In terms of presents (let's not kid ourselves, holiday spirit is lovely but presents are a large part of the holiday joy and anticipation), I had a phenomenal season.

I got two P-Funk bootlegs (Houston 1978 and Landover 1981), a few Parliament albums (Live: P-Funk Earth Tour and Chocolate City), an album of Funkadelic rareities (Toys), a Marvin Gaye album (Midnight Love), the new Britney Spears and Lil Wayne CDs. My parents and I both got each other the second season of 30 Rock on DVD. Nicola gave me the beautiful fox fur coat I mentioned a few posts earlier, and a vintage Rolling Stone from 1975 with Mick and Keith on the cover.
However, the most important gift I received...well, it's hard to explain. Since I became a P-Funk fan, I have hunted this one album - I've humiliated myself in my attempts to own it for myself. It's unspeakably rare and valuable, but a very incredible and generous friend bought it for me.
I can't put it into words, so I'll let this website speak for me:

Among P-Funk fanatics and guitar connoisseurs in general, Eddie Hazel is a legend. His psychedelic yet soulful style, best typified by 1971's "Maggot Brain," led many to believe he would carry on the legacy of Jimi Hendrix, who died shortly after Hazel rose to prominence with Funkadelic.

And while Hazel was a central figure with early Funkadelic, particularly on Standing On The Verge Of Getting It On, where he wrote every song, a number of problems that can be traced to drug addiction ultimately caused his role to diminish as the group became more popular throughout the Seventies. He continued to make infrequent appearances with the group until his death in 1992, but remained best known for his work from 1970 - 1975.

Which is where Game, Dames And Guitar Thangs comes in. Issued by Warner Brothers in 1977, it was the only album released under Hazel's name during his lifetime and considered one of the holy grails of funk due to its rarity. After nearly 30 years of having to rely on bootlegs, poor-quality tapes or wishful dreams, Hazel's solo album is finally available on disc for all to enjoy.

Game offers none of the thematic storylines or compelling characters of other P-Funk releases. Its intention is to simply spotlight Eddie's skills, making this perhaps the most purely "musical" album in the P-Funk canon. The record's centerpieces are two of the unlikeliest covers you will hear: "California Dreaming" and "I Want You (She's So Heavy)." With able assistance from a cast that includes Bootsy Collins, the Brides of Funkenstein, Jerome Brailey, and Bernie Worrell, Hazel just goes off and takes these numbers to another plane, especially on "I Want You," which is transformed into an apex of funk ecstasy.

In short, if you consider yourself a deep P-Funk fan, you have to own this album.

This record means the world to me. I feel validated as a P-Funk fan just for owning it and, oh yeah, it's a straight-up phenomenal record. I can't stop listening to it, and whenever I look at it and remember I own it, a feeling of warmth and joy washes over me. The only problem is that now I have nothing else in life to strive for - my main plan had been to get rich so I could afford this album. But now I have no need for money. New life plan: sit at home and listen to "Game Dames and Guitar Thangs" all day.
I hope everyone elses' Christmases were half as satisfying as mine!

you a SUPASTAR, boy, why you still up in the hood?

100 Aspects of My Life that I'm Grateful For:

1. I discovered Parliament-Funkadelic, which has forever changed my life for not only the better but the fantasticer


2. I have never had anyone close to me die
   
   


3. I was born and raised on Vancouver Island, the best place in the world to live


4. I have all five of my senses, in good condition


5. My parents aren't the type of people who wouldn't let me chose the paint colour of my room


6. I found Funkadelic's Uncle Jam Wants You on eBay for $1, and it didn't turn out to be a scam


7. For the first time since I was a toddler, I'll be getting a white Christmas


8. I'm not narcoleptic


9. While I've never had a real near-death experience, I once fell up to my waist in quicksand and, though I probably wouldn't have actually died, it makes a good story for when people ask if I've had a near-death experience



10. I have friends who show me new corners of the galaxy, remind me how much I love life and teach my spirit to be free


11. I'm not afraid to go for what I want


12. I never got mono


13. I've got a record player and 55 beautiful LP's


14. I have an excellent memory


15. I've never taken naked pictures of myself and, more importantly, they've never leaked


16. I'm not shy


17. I have the best concert luck imaginable


18. I've never been physically or sexually abused


19. I met Arlo Guthrie!


20. I wasn't born transgendered


21. I've never been in debt


22. Every year, my mom makes me a Christmas ornament, so when I move out, I won't have to start with a bare tree


23. People actually read and enjoy my blog!


24. I don't have any allergies


25. While I wouldn't consider myself a jetsetter by any means, I've been to London, San Francisco, Paris, Amsterdam, Vegas - enough places to feel like I've shopped around and I still love my hometown best
    


26. The most common phrase that people Google to arrive on my blog is "who the fuck is mick jagger"...that's just badass


27. I'm not "never-been-kissed" - I think that would bring me down


28. I've never had a doctor say "Uh-oh..." while examining me


29. I've never had an attempted voodoo spell backfire...I don't think


30. My dancing has been described as "mesmerizing" (by an elderly woman) and "the biggest turn-on ever" (definitely not by an elderly woman). I couldn't imagine two more flattering compliments on my dancing, especially since I think I sort of dance like Elaine Benes


31. I never have to take a science class ever again


32. My younger sister is a sweet, precious, innocent little angel


33. I don't need drugs to have a good time!


34. I got the joke on Fresh Prince, when DeDe mentioned how she liked Shaft and Will went "Shut yo mouth!" and then she went "But I'm talking about Shaft!" and Will was like, "Then we can dig it!" Nobody else that I was watching with got it, but I did, and it made me feel good


35. I don't claim to know whether or not there's a God, but I think if there is, He likes me


36. Barack Obama was elected


37. I have never wanted something really badly, and then not gotten it
    
    


38. I'm not sexually attracted to any of my uncles


39. I'm polythelic, but I like it - it sets me apart


40. I discovered this site while trying to find a picture for #38


41. My orthodontist told me I should get braces, I told him I didn't want to and he didn't push the issue...my teeth are kinda fucked, but, hey, I don't have braces


42. There's never been rumours spread about my sexuality


43. I can eat whatever I want without worrying about my weight


44. When I was 11, I went to Norway for an international camp with CISV


45. A new Prince song just leaked and its a mash-up cover of "Crimson and Closer" and "Wild Thing"


46. I kind of enjoy doing the dishes


47. My bed is really comfortable


48. My parents don't listen to Celine Dion


49. I'm not lactose intolerant


50. I found a website that has all the unreleased Prince jams that I worshipped back when I had Limewire


51. I've never had scary episodes with alcohol or drugs


52. "Michele says:
    you put you have an excellent memorry twice
    Michele says:
    was that on purpose?
    molly says:
    ohh shit seriously
    molly says:
    THATS SO HUMILIATING
    Michele says:
    ya
    molly says:
    THE IRONY IS LIKE A DAGGER IN MY AORTA
    Michele says:
    LOLOLOLOL
    Michele says:
    CALM DOWN
    molly says:
    which numbers?????
    Michele says:
    i think 14 and.....
    molly says:
    SHITTTT
    Michele says:
    52
    Michele says:
    hahaha
    molly says:
    no one must know of this
    molly says:
    therefore, i will copy-paste this conversation onto my blog
    Michele says:
    Romantic"


53. I'm good at spelling


54. I'm excited for the future


55. A couple months ago, I found a 45 on the floor of our crawlspace and it turned out to be Sly & the Family Stone's "If You Want Me to Stay" (my favourite Sly song), and because it was a 45, that means I can play it at 33rpm and it's heaven


56. Since I'm within nine months of my 18th bithday, it's impossible for me to have a baby before I become an adult
    


57. This dress exists...somewhere


58. I saw Prince in London


59. I can play my favourite classical piece, Beethoven's Sonata Quasi una fantasia, on piano


60. I have a sweet ghetto story from when I was in the South


61. I have every type of jacket I covet: groupie coat, (fake) leather jacket, sweater-type jacket, and fur coat


62. It's not difficult to find clothing that fits me


63. I've never, even for a moment, felt like nobody loved me


64. I got to see Michael Hampton play guitar on "Cosmic Slop"


65. I'm not colourblind - don't you think that would be torture, knowing that there's a couple colours that you have no idea what they look like?
    
    
66. I bought Let's Get It On pretty much on a whim, not expecting I would end up listening to it almost everyday
    
67. My dad's friends are hippies, and I suspect he used to be one too


68. I live within a mile of a graveyard and the ocean
    
69. There's so much music out there that I will love but haven't discovered yet



70. I was in an Archie Comic once
    
71. The city I live in has an excellent museum, with tons of First Nations artefacts


72. All the children I babysit are smart, well-behaved, sweet and fun



73. When I saw Parliament-Funkadelic, George Clinton, Garry Shider and Michael Hampton were there


74. After one of my Sims died because a satellite landed on her, I was able to plead with the Grim Reaper and save her life and keep the satellite


75. I know there's another Parliament-Funkadelic concert in my future


76. I'm going to get mad spoiled on Thursday


77. Once I was talking to my friend about the TV show Weeds and the Zooey Deschanel character, and he went "Oh, yeah, she kind of reminds me of you"


78. My dad loves Will Ferrell movies even more than I do


79. The area I live in has a sublime climate


80. People rarely have trouble pronouncing my name


81. I can speak English and French
    
82. I can speak Ubbi-Dubbi




83. I can name all the Fat Albert characters


84. I can finally hear the "death" scream on "Love Rollercoaster"...took me so long


85. I met Nicola


86. I'm not totally baffled by Math right now
    
87. My teachers care about me and my learning


88. I get to sleep in


89. Michele no longer slaves away at Value Village - the Dark Ages have ended, she's in my life again and I don't even miss the discount! Oh, that's right, cuz she never gave me one


90. Marianne Faithfull and I made eye contact


91. When you Google "ashcan rantings", this blog comes up first


92. My football team, the Carolina Panthers, are kicking ass this season


93. Our house has a fireplace


94. I love myself
    
95. I don't have a job
    
96. When I was in the Netherlands, there happened to be a Salvador Dali exhibit, featuring his Alice in Wonderland collection in the town I was staying in


97. I've been on last.fm long enough that when I play "My Library", I get a good day's worth of sweet music


98. I know why "Wucan" is called "Wucan"


99. My hair is very manageable


100. I can think of 100 things I love about my life

How many of these apply to you too? Can you name 100 aspects of your life that you love? I challenge you to do the same, especially during this time of the year, when people can get too stressed. It feels so good to go back and read over and remember how lucky you are.

you could say that i'm a terminal case, you could burn up my clothes, smash up my ride - well, maybe not the ride

Continued from last post -

this wheel's on fire asked: "if you could switch your life with someone else's (permanently) who would it be?what's your favorite book? (the fall? dharma bums? stuart little?) Prince or the Artist Formerly Known as Prince? if i was married to mick, would you hate me? ;)patsy or eddie?are you sick of my questions yet? good :)why are you such a cool cat?"

A permanant life switch I would probably choose George Clinton.
My favourite book is The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe.
Prince!
If you were married to Mick, I'd probably just judge you from afar...I couldn't hate you for wanting what I want!
I am not familiar with these people.
No, I'm not!
I'm not sure - I think I was born this way.

Miss Karen asked: "would you rather be the muse or the musician?"
Hmm. Good question! Well, in terms of the person I am of this moment, I'd rather be a muse. In fact, forget what I said yesterday about homemaker, I think muse would be my chosen profession. However, who wouldn't love to be musically gifted?

Cate asked: "1) Have you read 'Brave New World' by Aldous Huxley and if yes, what did you think of it?2) What do you think about NIRVANA?3) (not so weird) What is your favourite film?"
I haven't read "Brave New World". I've read some other Aldous Huxley, such as "Doors of Perception" and "Island", but not "Brave New World". I'll add it to my list of books I should eventually get around to reading.
Nirvana is obviously a talented band, though not my cup of tea. It's just not the type of music that sets my soul on fire.
My favourite film is Almost Famous.

Sister Libby asked: "I have always (ok, no...just now) wondered what you're top 5 would be...I'm kind of thinking like, High Fidelity here...hm...maybe your Top 5 Loooove Songs, just a starter."

Now, Libby is clearly the type of person who just lives to torture me - a real sadist with a heart of the purest coal rejected by Santa Claus as it was "too much 'tough', not enough 'love'". When you say Top 5 Love Songs, do you mean the Top 5 Most Romantic Songs That I Like? My 5 Favourite Songs that Happen to Be About Love? Since the latter is too generic, here are the Top 5 Songs I Find Most Romantic:

1. "Adore" by Prince - it's cheesy as hell, but I can't help but say "awww". The lyrics seem like a bunch of smooth lines put together, but the sincerity behind them make it just so sweet
2. "Prototype" by Outkast - so beautiful and romantic

3. "Little Wing" by the Jimi Hendrix Experience - I've decided my goal in life is to be the girl in the song

4. "The Goose" by Parliament - seriously, I don't know if I've heard more romantic lyrics than this: "I'm as happy as a monkey with a peanut machine, since I've found you/Just imagine a monkey with a peanut machine, it's a dream come true/But I don't need no nut machine/Because I'm nuts all over you"

5. "Come Get to This" by Marvin Gaye - my favourite Marvin Gaye song...stunning



jess asked: "What is your favorite school subject?What Parliament songs do yu higly recomend?Who is you style icon?"
I won't lie, not a huge fan of school, but the subject this year I found most interesting was Comparative Civilizations. I loved learning about the Mayans, the Ancient Greeks and Romans, the origin of man - fascinating stuff.
Ahh, hard question. It really depends on the person, so I'll just tell you my favourite Parliament songs: "(I've Been Watching You) Move Your Sexy Body", "Agony of Defeet", "Funkentelechy", "Swing Down Sweet Chariot", "Flashlight", "The Goose", "All Your Goodies Are Gone" and "(You're a Fish and I'm a) Water Sign" - and that's just Parliament. Don't get me started on Funkadelic!

My greatest style icon is probably Anita Pallenberg - a mix of rock'n'roll, rich hippie and whatever the fuck she feels like. The quote that inspires my style is "Look at fashion and what they're doing, and then do what you want" - thanks, Cyndi Lauper!

Well, I suppose this is the "official" end of the questions and answers period, but at any time, if you have any questions, ask me, and I'll respond and let you know. Thank you for sending in questions and reading!

brothers, don't be cool, women like it sometimes when you act a fool

You guys are too good to me...I ask for some questions to answer and I get dozens - thank you!
This is my 400th post, which feels goood, and frankly, I'm just going to dive right in. (There are so many questions, that I'll answer half in this post, and half in a second post later - and if you have any additional questions, go for it! This is mad fun)

Keith asked: "If you could sleep with any singer past or present who would that be?"

Sam asked: "What's your opinion of Wolfmother(the band)?"
I don't know a whole lot of Wolfmother, but everything I've heard has been ridiculously badass and awesome. I'm a Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath fan, so I can dig on any band who keeps that spirit alive today. I wish I knew more!

TEXTSTYLES asked: "why do you blog? what started it? and where do you want to take it?"
I started blogging because I felt like I had so many opinions bubbling up in myself and no one to tell them to. Though now I have people to share them with, blogging is way too much fun to stop. I blog because I enjoy it. And as for the future, well, it would be nice to parlay this into a career, but I'm not going to expect that. I definitely will continue blogging.

copperoranges asked: "are you in school? what are you studying? how many days worth of songs do you have on your itunes?"
I am in school...kind of. Technically I'm in grade 12, but I do my schooling by correspondance, which means, basically, I do it from home over the Internet. It's easier, fun-er and much more independent.
My iTunes isn't very impressive. I have an iPod nano and it's full with all the songs it can handle, which is about 300. But since my prefered method of music-listening is on vinyl, I haven't given iTunes much love and appreciation. I also don't download illegally (simply because it's unsatisfying) so everything on my iPod is essentially what I own on CD - which isn't much.

Mimi asked: "If you I asked you to make a play list of songs that would go perfect for my fashion blog [old, new, rock, blues... Whatever it may be] would you do it?"
Yes! I'd love to.

For starters, as you say you are "infatuated with Hendrix", I would throw on some "Little Miss Lover", a really fun and rad song. Another cool song to put on there would be Ready for the World's "Oh Sheila", which (I'm ashamed to admit) for months I thought was actually an unreleased Prince song. I'm not going to deny the dope-ness that is Britney Spears' new song "Circus" for a second longer. "I'd Love to Change the World" by Ten Years After would be a nice addition. And, finally, David Bowie's "Suffragette City" - I know it's one of his bigger songs and therefore slightly obvious, but it's one of those songs that when you hear it on the radio you get excited because you forgot how amazing it is. Let your blog give people that moment. I hope that helps!

Katelin asked: "if you met marvin gaye, what one thing would you ask him? what song do you detest the most? and what female musician do you idolize the most?"

If I had to pick one song to detest the most, it would probably be Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". Its obnoxiousness rating is off the charts. It doesn't rhyme, which adds to the feeling of generally patheticness. You just want to smack her upside the head.

If I met Marvin Gaye, I don't think I'd ask him anything - I think I would weep, kiss his feet and thank him.
The female musician I admire the most is Grace Slick. In terms of, well, everything. I love her style, I love her music, I love her voice, I love her strength, I love her personality - she's just a good ol' free spirit, the best type of person.

Sunniva asked: "1) If you were to have a party and could invite 5 famous people, dead or alive, who would they be and why?2) Who do you love most, Alex or Alexa? ;p3) What is your dream job?4) Can I adopt you as my sister?"

That first question is brilliant, and haunting. It's a hard choice and I'll probably look back on this in a year (or tomorrow) and cringe as I'm missing big ones, but I'm going to go with George Clinton, Lester Bangs, Anita Pallenberg, Neal Cassady and Andre 3000, because you know they'd show up looking amazing and party their fucking asses off.
As for who I love more, I'd have to go Alex...as amazing as Alexa is, she hasn't really done anything besides be generally cool. Alex has written some freaking fantastic music. Definitely Alex.
I think my dream job - believe it or not - is actually homemaker. I'm lazy as hell and I don't want a "real" job, I'd be so happy to just stay at home and cook, clean and the whatnot. Trophy wife is a close second. (Jokessss...kinda)
Yes, I'm available for adoption. Please submit your application to my receptionist.

Thank you for your awesome questions, I've enjoyed answering them so much and I can't wait to answer more in my next post. I hope you've enjoyed the first 400 posts of Ashcan Rantings, and are as excited about another 400 as I am.

let's groove tonight, share the spice of life

So, my next post is something of a milestone...it's my 400th post. God, that's a lot of posts. That's like if you took all the times in the past 24 hours that I've felt love for Parliament-Funkadelic, and divide that number in two...that many posts. Wow!

Now, I'm not going to lie...I like to celebrate stuff. Big surprise, right? And, granted, it's no 500 (and I'll try to prepare something real exciting for that!), but any number of posts divisible by 100 is exciting. I've always wanted to do one of those question and answer thing, but I've always thought that if I asked, and got nobody who wanted to ask me questions, well, wouldn't that be pretty embarassing? So, no pressure, but don't let me down! Do you have anything you would like to ask me, blog-related, personal or anything? "How did you discover the Funk?" (It discovered me), "Twelve litres of antifreeze solution contains 30% alcohol and 70% percent water. How many litres of pure alcohol must be added to raise the concentration of alcohol to 40%?" (Two) "Why are you so awesome?" (As the sun rises in the east and sheep sometimes gain around two pounds for six seconds immediately following their death, somethings just are)
So, has every visit to my blog been accompanied by a nagging question in the back of your head? Ask it! Let's be real, if it's pretty personal ("What's your address, so I can drive back in forth in front of your house and blare Paula Abdul's 'Straight Up' in your window at night?"), odds are I'll either just ignore you, politely decline to answer or notify my local authorities (reaction depends on level of intruiveness).

Any other suggestions on how to celebrate the big 4-0-0? Please share!
For if anything, this is a blog for the people.

Nahhhh, I'm "yanking your chain" (gotta love the imagery behind that one), this is my castle and I rule with an iron fist.
Don't believe me?
Just look at one of my early posts - you can feel the bitter aggression dripping onto your keyboards...