he's a god, he's a man, he's a ghost, he's a guru

God, it's good to be back. I almost stumbled into an ill-timed bought of writer's block but luckily Lexie was to the resue, demanding "a list of your ten fave albums/singles/artists/however you want to post this from 2009".
Do-able!

I'm not sure if she means my favourite albums/singles/artists prominent in 2009, or just the songs I was most into in 2009. The is latter is way too hard so behold, in no particular order:

My Top 10 Favourite Albums/Singles/Artists of 2009


"Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga (video)
My ''relationship'', if you will, with Lady Gaga seems to be repetitive. I hear her new single and think "Eh, not quite on par with the last one". Then I see the video and enjoy it so ferociously that my obsessive YouTube viewings of it cause me to fall in love with the song. The best of her videos? "Paparazzi". It reminds me of a Jacqueline Susann novel (specifically Once Is Not Enough). Glamour on an extreme, histrionic level. The wheelchair and neckbrace were truly the icing on the cake.


"LoveSexMagic" by Ciara (song & video)
I don't know what it is, but I've always had a strong love for Ciara. Perhaps it's that her song "Promise" is one of the most beautiful Prince rip-offs I've ever heard, but I'm always interested in her new single. This one did not disappoint (as so, so many have). And, as much as I can't stand Justin Timberlake's cocky attitude, the video is killer too. I'm a sucker for a good afro.


"For Your Sorrow" by Big Boi feat. George Clinton and Too Short (song)
When I hear there's an OutKast song featuring George Clinton, you'd practically need industrial strength bungee cords and about three ounces of strategically placed SuperGlue (use your imagination) to hold me back. This one did not disappoint (besides its lack of Andre). From George's opening wheeze of "This is the dope on dope, smoke but don't choke on, its the shit. Plenty bloody junkies have been known to croak, but let's still toke up, it's the bomb" (I'm just guessing here...it is George, afterall) to Big Boi's "Stank you very much", this song is the sleazy Parliakastament Thang we've all come to know and love....from their one other collaboration.


This Is It by Michael Jackson (movie)
I'll say it flat-out ("with love", as MJ would say): the song blew. It is truly tragic that Michael Jackson's final single would be so mediocre. And that's the last I'm going to say of it, because out of extreme respect for Michael, I'm going to pretend it doesn't exist. The film, however, was fantastic. Tasteful, loving and revealing, it shows Michael how we should remember him: as a musician through and through. It is astounding and fascinating to watch him direct the musicians. He just knows music so well. For me, its still a toss-up between Michael and Prince as to the greatest performer of all time, but to anybody who enjoys pop music, this documentry will not disappoint.


"D.O.A." by Jay-Z (song)
2009 was also the year that I fell in love with Jay-Z and, despite my preference for his first album Reasonable Doubt, this cut proved he still got it.
"This ain't a number one record...this is practically assault with a deadly weapon"


"Red Right Hand" by the Arctic Monkeys (song)
I still haven't copped Humbug (though Christmas is tomorrow...) but I've been quite impressed with the Arctic Monkeys' new-ish sound. "Crying Lightning" was awesome too, but I think I slightly preferred this one.


"Honey" by Erykah Badu (song & video)
I know I've raved about this gorgeous soul song before, but you really must see the insidious and oh-so-clever video. You know 00:51 is my favourite moment. (If you didn't catch the reference, check it)

"3" by Britney Spears (song)
Ever since I got into Britney Spears a couple years ago (and that was a weird enough adjustment in itself), I've felt like the holiday season was truly her time. The past two Christmases my sister's present to me was her new album. Unfortunately, her "new" album this year is a greatest hits compilation, so I just went straight for the filthy single.
It's about threesomes, nuff said.


"Rockin' That Shit" by The-Dream (song)
I flat-out love this Prince rip-off. The explicit version is necessary, even though I adore the word "thang", because the clean version cuts out "bra". What fresh hell...?


"Drink in My Cup" by Electrik Red (video)
Electrik Red is to The-Dream what Vanity 6 were to Prince (on a much, much smaller scale of course), so you know I was intrigued. Most of their shit didn't blow me away, but I cannot get enough of the divine trashiness of this video. Why am I not getting into barfights and stealing chicken drumsticks from the kitchen? Oh yeah, cuz I'm not old enough to get into bars yet.
Still, that is no excuse. Bathroom stall dance sesh in T-minus, 5, 4, 3...

oh, i says the damndest things last night when i was running game...

Wow....Jesus....there are no words, really.

I haven't posted in 2 and a half months, and part of the reason I've been putting it off so much is because I feel like my return must be EPIC, a post that will be linked and gossiped about, a post that, perhaps, might even warrant a Youtube tribute video to the tune of "Walkin' On Sunshine". Unfortunately, said post never quite popped into my head fully formed so please bear with me while I try to get back into the schwang of thangs.

Excuses for my behaviour? (Or lack thereof, really) Well, I can dish em all out - new job, new boyfriend, new Betty Davis album - but it all comes down to who cares? I still mourn the devastating abandonment by Emma of her brilliant blog (2 years and counting, R.I.P. bbgurl), but all I can do is throw on the explicit version of "Sexy Can I" and wait for slow, gentle death.

Where to even begin?? I almost just threw myself off on a For the Love of Ray J tangent (glorious! Flavour of Love with an actually-attractive host!), but I have resisted.

I guess I should come bearing apology gifts. Aaaaaaand, those come in the form of amusing YouTube videos! (What else?)

George Clinton - "Do Fries Go With That Shake?!"
Leave it to George Clinton. This sleazy track (featuring Vanessa Williams) and its dynamite video will sho nuff put a smile on your face. Judging by George's face at 00:52, ladies in mismatched layers make his brain cease activity, and, judging by his pick-up lines, particularly in the linguistic department.
But does it make me question using him as my "historical figure who inspires you the most" during job interviews? Not for a second.
Oh, Georgie, one day we will frolic in a giant chocolate milkshake together, our souls funking as One.

And, for a cheap laugh, the Bill Cosby Pokemon Rap. How can you do anything but chuckle?

I'm still pimping out my online vintage store Safe as Milk Vintage, so...

...if those miniscule little pictures of items I have in store now whetted your appetite, I will provide the link once again (SAFE AS MILK VINTAGE) for those of you too lazy to scroll up to find it (and don't think I'm judging - I know your pain!)

Also, if you dig my store, or just feel like giving me a little support, join my Facebook fan page. And add me up! I go by Molly Jagger (not only a reference to the divine Mick, but also the wicked Jimi song "Dolly Dagger"). Just let me know you know me through blogging!

Well, let me get this posted before something drastic happens to delay my return further!

I am home, home to you.

Love me.

give up the funk....seriously, snoop, leave it to the pros

Just need to take a quick break from the 7 Things that define me list, because, goddammit, I've got something on my mind.
Now, I personally am a fan of hip-hop - give me some Outkast, Busta Rhymes, Jockin Jay-Z, Mos Def, Talib Kweli and I will purr contentedly like a kitten on morphine. However, it is far too often that hip-hop abuses the precious gift called The Funk.
James Brown is the most sampled artist of all time, but Parliament-Funkadelic is a close second and some of the clumsy samples I hear make my ears hemorrhage.

The main offender:

Snoop Dogg.
Now, it is not to say I hate Snoop Dogg, because in fact I find him highly likable - I think his performance of Huggy Bear helps. But when I thought about hip-hop songs that figuratively raped that good ol funky thang, 4 out of the 5 that first popped into my mind were courtesy of the Dee Oh Double-Gee. The other was Ice Cube.

• "Flashlight" by Parliament vs. "Stoplight" by Snoop Dogg
  I am secure enough to admit that Snoop Dogg pimping whilst riding a Segway is badass on a whole nutha level, but he even jacks the opening "How else can you capture the world if you dont attack from the back...to the rear, march!" from P-Funk's "How else can you capture a boogie if you dont attack from the back...to the rear, march!" It must have been difficult to make one of P-Funk`s most joyous cuts sound so labouring - and it almost sounds like he got George and Bootsy to sing back-up? Could be wishful mishearing, though.
  I must admit, the fun video is making this song borderline enjoyable, but the bottom line is that it is just superfluous - why would you ever listen to "Stoplight" when you could be listening to "Flashlight"?
  
  

  
  
  stoplight/flashlight
  
• "Get Down On It" by Kool and the Gang vs. "We Just Wanna Party With You" by Snoop Dogg and Jermaine Dupri
  Now, Snoop isn't fully to blame on this one - it is technically Jermaine Dupri's (who I have to give mad credit for the Godfather II reference - Don Ciccio? Badass!) And
  it is, I must admit, a very enjoyable song (I've loved it since I got the Men In Black
  soundtrack at age 10) - until you hear the Kool & the Gang song that it (forgive my
  vulgarity on this one) rapes. The 70's original makes the 90's sample/cover sound weak, cheap and silly.
  
  

  
  
  get down/we just wanna
  
• "Give Up the Funk (Tear the Roof Off the Sucker)" by Parliament vs. "Undercova Funk (Give Up the Funk)" by Snoop Dogg
  I'll admit that this number - undoubtedly P-Funk's most well-known cut - is probably my least favourite of theirs. I'm not sure what exactly it's missing for me, but what it needs definitely isn't sparing substitution of the word "gangsta" for various lyrics, or some lazy rhyming. "Man, these suckas on the mic ain't sayin' nothin'" Snoop complains - well ain't that just George Clinton calling Bootsy Collins one badass motherfunker.
  
  

  
  
  give up the funk
  
• "Atomic Dog" by George Clinton vs. "What's My Name?" by Snoop Dogg
  There is really nothing to say here but Snoop doggy dooooooooogggg..uh, I mean, A-tom-ic dooooooggggg.
  
  

  
  
  doggystyle
  

i'll be a big noise with all the big boys, so much stuff i will own

I'm back! After a beautiful summer of, uh, obsessively watching Real Chance of Love 2: Back in the Saddle (because I don't get it here in Canada) I'm back home in BC and the below-80 degree weather makes up for not being able to ogle Real's shiny weaves on a nightly basis (thanks, VH1's obsessive/compulsive super-redundant programming mode!)But my Real infatuation is fodder for a whole new post on it's own (and I'm not joking, so prepare yo' self) - today, I shall be imparting on you some musical inspiration with

10 Songs I'm Into At the Moment

1. "Computer Games" by George Clinton
It was on George Clinton's first solo album, but in reality, it's pretty much a P-Funk track cuz the gang's essentially all here - Bootsy, Garry, Bernie, Junie, Maceo, Eddie... This whole album has a more electro feel, and it does feature George's most well-known song "Atomic Dog", but I can't get enough of this track, especially the lyrics, which are characteristically witty.
I can outdrum a beat...I can outdance a floor...I can holler for more

2. "Break Ya Neck" by Busta Rhymes
I have requested to my loved ones that if I somehow die by cervical fracture, this song be played while my casket is being carried in. Listen to it in that context - it heightens the experience.
And, like all Busta songs, the video is tres amusant.
And we get a little HIGH, and we get a little DRUNK, and we get a little CRUNK, c'mon!

3. "Friend or Foe" by Jay-Z
It's embarassing that I slept on Jay-Z for so long, but now I am obsessed with his Reasonable Doubt debut. This track combines the Godfather gangster-ness that I love with Jay-Z's undeniable wit.
You're twitching - don't. do. that/You're makin me nervous/My crew? Well, they do pack/ Them dudes is murderous/So, please, would ya put your hand back in sight? They don't like to see me nervous/You can understand that, right? Your draw, better be Picasso/You know, the best/Cuz if this is not so, ha, God bless

4. "Vitamin C" by CAN
Wikipedia calls it "krautrock", their website says they're "doch der Einfluß dieser Werke strahlt bis in die jüngste Gegenwart", but I just say they rock in the freakiest, most badass way.
A beautiful blows, I stay at the corner/She is living in and out of tune

5. "Big Love (acoustic version)" by Lindsey Buckingham
I know it's originally a Fleetwood Mac song, but I much prefer Lindsey's solo acoustic version. As I've stated infinite times, I prefer Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac, but Lindsey Buckingham is clearly insanely talented.
Oh, I'll build you a kingdom in that house on the hill

6. "Big Time" by Peter Gabriel
I doubt I'm really introducing this to anyone, but recently I've been craving this song incessantly. The video is unsurprisingly brilliant as well.
I've worked it out - I'll be stretching my mouth, to let those big words come right out

7. "Junker's Blues" by Champion Jack Dupree
I'll admit that I don't listen to as much blues as I should, but I love Champion Jack Dupree's voice and this song's badass lyrics attracted me pretty easily.
Some people crave for chicken, and some crave for a house steak, but when I get loaded, lawd, I don't want my milk and cake

8. "Death of an Electric Citizen" by the Edgar Broughton Band
Some more freak rock - if you're a Captain Beefheart fan, you might enjoy this heavy, bluesy band.

9. "Brick House" by the Commodores
Quite simply just a perfect song to git down to.
36-24-36 - ow, what a winning hand!

10. "Get Low" by Lil' Jon & the Eastside Boyz, feat. the Ying Yang Twins
Party hip-hop exactly how I like it: filthy. Whenever I start to feel a little bit guilty about liking this song, I remember that George Clinton loves it, and even covered part of it when I saw him in concert - and GC is never wrong.
Can I play with your pantyline? The club owner said I need to calm down

august 18

chocolate-coated, freaky and habit-forming

Today is a pretty magical day and I have been able to feel it in the air - it crackles with the smooth electricity of Funk. You see, my friends, today is the day that Dr. Funkenstein himself, George Clinton, turns the big 6-8.

Yes, this will be a slack post, but it will also be a devilishly enjoyable one, for there is no soul on this planet that makes a picture come to life Harry Potter-style (yes, I saw Half-Blood Prince and, yes, it was freaking awesome) like George Clinton. For further proof, see my George Clinton tumblr. In the meantime, I challenge you to peruse this pictures without feeling your spirits being lifted.

I'm heading off to South Carolina so it's highly unlikely that I'll post again before late August. I hope your summers are phenomenal and if P-Funk is in your town, don't miss out. You won't regret it.
Sorry, but I probably won't have time to respond to comments - I feel pretty terrible about this, but I do love reading your comments and I do read a lot of your blogs!