he's a god, he's a man, he's a ghost, he's a guru

God, it's good to be back. I almost stumbled into an ill-timed bought of writer's block but luckily Lexie was to the resue, demanding "a list of your ten fave albums/singles/artists/however you want to post this from 2009".
Do-able!

I'm not sure if she means my favourite albums/singles/artists prominent in 2009, or just the songs I was most into in 2009. The is latter is way too hard so behold, in no particular order:

My Top 10 Favourite Albums/Singles/Artists of 2009


"Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga (video)
My ''relationship'', if you will, with Lady Gaga seems to be repetitive. I hear her new single and think "Eh, not quite on par with the last one". Then I see the video and enjoy it so ferociously that my obsessive YouTube viewings of it cause me to fall in love with the song. The best of her videos? "Paparazzi". It reminds me of a Jacqueline Susann novel (specifically Once Is Not Enough). Glamour on an extreme, histrionic level. The wheelchair and neckbrace were truly the icing on the cake.


"LoveSexMagic" by Ciara (song & video)
I don't know what it is, but I've always had a strong love for Ciara. Perhaps it's that her song "Promise" is one of the most beautiful Prince rip-offs I've ever heard, but I'm always interested in her new single. This one did not disappoint (as so, so many have). And, as much as I can't stand Justin Timberlake's cocky attitude, the video is killer too. I'm a sucker for a good afro.


"For Your Sorrow" by Big Boi feat. George Clinton and Too Short (song)
When I hear there's an OutKast song featuring George Clinton, you'd practically need industrial strength bungee cords and about three ounces of strategically placed SuperGlue (use your imagination) to hold me back. This one did not disappoint (besides its lack of Andre). From George's opening wheeze of "This is the dope on dope, smoke but don't choke on, its the shit. Plenty bloody junkies have been known to croak, but let's still toke up, it's the bomb" (I'm just guessing here...it is George, afterall) to Big Boi's "Stank you very much", this song is the sleazy Parliakastament Thang we've all come to know and love....from their one other collaboration.


This Is It by Michael Jackson (movie)
I'll say it flat-out ("with love", as MJ would say): the song blew. It is truly tragic that Michael Jackson's final single would be so mediocre. And that's the last I'm going to say of it, because out of extreme respect for Michael, I'm going to pretend it doesn't exist. The film, however, was fantastic. Tasteful, loving and revealing, it shows Michael how we should remember him: as a musician through and through. It is astounding and fascinating to watch him direct the musicians. He just knows music so well. For me, its still a toss-up between Michael and Prince as to the greatest performer of all time, but to anybody who enjoys pop music, this documentry will not disappoint.


"D.O.A." by Jay-Z (song)
2009 was also the year that I fell in love with Jay-Z and, despite my preference for his first album Reasonable Doubt, this cut proved he still got it.
"This ain't a number one record...this is practically assault with a deadly weapon"


"Red Right Hand" by the Arctic Monkeys (song)
I still haven't copped Humbug (though Christmas is tomorrow...) but I've been quite impressed with the Arctic Monkeys' new-ish sound. "Crying Lightning" was awesome too, but I think I slightly preferred this one.


"Honey" by Erykah Badu (song & video)
I know I've raved about this gorgeous soul song before, but you really must see the insidious and oh-so-clever video. You know 00:51 is my favourite moment. (If you didn't catch the reference, check it)

"3" by Britney Spears (song)
Ever since I got into Britney Spears a couple years ago (and that was a weird enough adjustment in itself), I've felt like the holiday season was truly her time. The past two Christmases my sister's present to me was her new album. Unfortunately, her "new" album this year is a greatest hits compilation, so I just went straight for the filthy single.
It's about threesomes, nuff said.


"Rockin' That Shit" by The-Dream (song)
I flat-out love this Prince rip-off. The explicit version is necessary, even though I adore the word "thang", because the clean version cuts out "bra". What fresh hell...?


"Drink in My Cup" by Electrik Red (video)
Electrik Red is to The-Dream what Vanity 6 were to Prince (on a much, much smaller scale of course), so you know I was intrigued. Most of their shit didn't blow me away, but I cannot get enough of the divine trashiness of this video. Why am I not getting into barfights and stealing chicken drumsticks from the kitchen? Oh yeah, cuz I'm not old enough to get into bars yet.
Still, that is no excuse. Bathroom stall dance sesh in T-minus, 5, 4, 3...

i want to sleep in the city that never wakes up and revel in nostalgia

Back in January, I did a post that a lot of people (including me) seemed to get a bit of a kick out of. Basically, I have a feature in my sidebar called Feedjit, which tells me where people who visit my blog are from and how they got there. And, frankly, I've seen some weird Google searches lead to my blog. Even though I'm super-duper busy and whatnot, I've kept track of some of the more curious searches to share with you today.

"what does it means kiss your flower?"
(El Paso, Texas)
Well, for one thing, this person doesn't know the first order of business when encountered with a slang phrase you're unfamiliar with. Urban Dictionary could have solved your conundrum before you made it through the first page of Google's flower ads. Frankly, I Googled for myself and my blog wasn't on the first or second page (after that, I got bored and stopped) - which means they went through pages and pages to find an answer to their dire query.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I'll spell it out for ya:
Get it? Good.

"Bojana panic nude pictures"
(Southport, England)
Okay...I've heard of people who get off on pain...I've heard of people who get off on being dominated...I've heard of people who get off on all kinds of weird things...but panic? Panic in itself? Hmm...these must be the type of people who get caught jerking off in the back aisle of Godzilla or something.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
No, I'm afraid not.

I was lying when I said "I'm afraid not."

"alex turner sexy face"
(Sydney)
Q: What's an Alex Turner sexy face?
A: All of them, of course!
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I'll give them what we all need.

Yeah, you're welcome.
"Sexy face"...last time "tight pants" - I'm filling all Alex Turner-super-ghetto-collage requests.

"sexy girls downy pics"
(Istanbul)
Granted, I've never been to Istanbul, but where I come from "sexy" and "downy" are pretty much mutually exclusive. Maybe they mean something different when they say "downy" but I'm really not going to Google it to find out. It's a sick world out there.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
Institutionalization? No.

"what happened to alex turner he looks weird"
(Mexico)
Please...give generously.
But in all seriousness, this comment made me realize I hadn't seen any recent pictures of Alex Turner, so I did a quick Google search (see, kids, I can do it too) and found a picture from this past February.
Let's just say I was so far from disappointed I'm not even going to bother looking up the antonym for "disappointed". You see, he's grown out his hair.
The single most crucial thing a guy can do to better his appearence...and better it he did.

Sexy before, but feast your eyes on THIS:
He's always been a handsome chap, but with hair like that...A+++
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I provided them with proof that they either are visually impaired or that they have what they kids today call "wack" taste.

"men forced into silk nightgowns"
(New Brunswick)
This person might be my new hero. I don't know what prompted them to search this, but the mere image makes me giddy.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I wish.

"she may never freak again"
(Wisconsin)
On the flip side, this may be the most depressing phrase I've ever read. Never freak again? Never??
Imagining hearing this from a doctor nearly brings me to tears. Way to end this one a downer.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I don't know...what does one need in this sort of situation? I can only hope I offered some sort of marginal amount of solace.

And there ya have it. As long as people keep Googling messed up shit, I shall be there.

we know...which way you're going

10 Songs I'm Into at the Moment

"Booty" by Erykah Badu

Could you imagine how horrified you'd be to find out your man was cheating on you with Erykah Badu? Because it's pretty hard to compete with someone as awesome as her. Ms. Badu (I really feel like I should be addressing her with the upmost respect) spends the verses bragging to some poor woman how "you got a whole lot of junk up in yo trunk, but yo nigga thinks I'm live and I keep it crunk" and the choruses explaining "I don't want him, because of what he's doin to you".

"She Loves Everybody" by Chester French
I gotta thank Crazy Eddie for this one. He hooked me up with the recommendation and, though I rarely listen to this type of music, I checked it out - now I can't stop listening to it! Be sure to check out the video, it's fun stuff. I guess the only artist I listen to that I could compare it to are the Arctic Monkeys, though it's less...wordy and more electronic.

"SOS" by the Last Shadow Puppets
Speaking of the Arctic Monkeys..! Here's Alex Turner's side project band The Last Shadow Puppets doing a ridiculously kickass version of my favourite Rihanna song. It (predictably) takes on completely new vibes, and reaches new levels of awesomeness. Admit it, you're dying of curiousity!

"100 Yard Dash" by Raphael Saadiq
I really don't know much Raphael Saadiq, but I'm thinking I need to get on that. This song is so chill and smooth and feels so good.

"Sure Nuff N Yes I Do" by Captain Beefheart & his Magic Band
The version I've included in the playlist is a demo, so I'd advise clicking the above link to get the proper version. Captain Beefheart, if you haven't heard of him, is an old pal of Frank Zappa and if you're a fan of Zappa's freak rock or even just the blues, you'll be digging this one.
(And just to make you squirm with anticipation, I have a big big big announcement coming up soon very vaguely involving this song - and let me emphasize very vaguely)

"Kill the Lights" by Britney Spears
Oh, Britney - why you gots to be so great? Now that "If U Seek Amy" is getting all appreciated by regular folk and stuff, I gotta get a little more obscure. "Kill the Lights", also from Circus, is doing the job for now!

"Ghetto Life" by Rick James
Is it an accident that this song clocks in at exactly 4:20? No way - Rick knows what he's doing. I finally got my claws on Street Songs and this is my jam. Though I am a little disturbed by the image of him learning about sex from a "little cute girl" with pigtails. But shows what I know about ghetto life...

"All Your Love" by John Mayall's Bluesbreakers
Couldn't find this one on imeem.com, but check it out on the link. Blues-y goodness featuring a young Eric Clapton and a pre-Fleetwood Mac John McVie.

"I Misjudged You" by Parliament

Lately I've been all about Parliament's ballads, because with P-Funk you know it's never going to be dull. This incredibly remorseful number is beautiful and humble, with great piano work and fantastic vocals (as usual).
"Brothers on the Slide" by Cymande
You know when you hear a song that you know you can't possibly have heard before but sounds like you've been listening to it your whole life? The song that gives you a feeling in your stomach that feels like it's already helped you through a lot in life? For me, those songs are Jefferson Airplane's "Today" and this super-chill funk number from Cymande.

Kick back, relax and dig:

february 15/09

strange fascinations fascinating me

A few months ago, I added a ridiculously addicting feature to my blog. Look to your right (or, if you're a bit behind and this isn't the most recent post, up and to your right)...it's called Feedjit. And, hey, look - that's your city that just arrived on "ashcan rantings". That's right, I can keep tabs on you, and since when have I ever passed up an opportunity to indirectly stalk myself by stalking those who stalk me?
That's right:
Never.
I get a lot of fun information such as where you're from, how you arrived at my blog (search engine? Linked from another blog?) and where you left my blog to. But perhaps the most entertaining information I get is what people typed into Google to arrive at my blog. The most common entries range from obvious ("ashcan rantings") to creepy ("sharon tate dead body" - please, enough!) to pretty freaking rad ("who the fuck is mick jagger?")
Sometimes, however, I get some really bizarre searchs linked to my blog. Case in point:

"did obama ever kiss his mother on her lips."
I don't know what's more disturbing - that someone actually cared enough about that to bother to try to search it or that they ended up on my blog. I can't imagine why that would be an issue for anyone, unless they are racist to the point that they're against a black man kissing a white woman even though they're related.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
No, cuz what they needed was a good spin kick to the head.

"my love video asses"
(Saudia Arabia)
I'm not sure what this person was trying to say - "my love for video asses"? "asses in the 'My Love' video"? - but the fact that they're from Saudi Arabia explains why they had to turn to the Internet for this instead of simply turning on BET.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
Well, I sure hope so; Saudi Arabians have as much right to marvel over how those girls got all of that in them jeans as we do. But seriously...do they get their pants altered or are they actually sold with all that space in the back?

"tight pants 'alex turner'"
(Serbia)
Well, wait a minute! This person only wants to see Alex Turner in tight pants - there's nothing bizarre about that! In fact, I consider it an honour that someone with such a noble quest found themselves on my blog.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
If they didn't at the time, by God, I'll make sure they get it now.

You're welcome, dear Serbian friend.

"just dance" "date rape"
(Buffalo, New York)
Ah, another searcher I feel a kinship with, for I too long felt that the popular Lady Gaga song "Just Dance" had strong date rape undertones. Seriously, let's examine some of the lyrics: "I can't see straight anymore"? "How did I turn my shirt inside out?" "Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic"? Adding to the equation the really creepy guy popping up with sleazy lines like "Shawty, I can see that you've got so much energy, the way you're twirling you hips round and round/I see no reason at all why you can't leave here with me"
Unfortunately, pal, that's not how it works. Just because you can't think of any reason why a girl shouldn't sleep with you, doesn't mean it's meant to be. In fact, I can think of a reason why she shouldn't leave here with you: because you're a silly, greasy Chachi who seems to be sadly uninformed of his lack of African heritage.


Still from the "Just Dance" video: Victim of GHB-spiked drink or typical drunken slut? YOU decide!

Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
If what they were looking for was the validation that they were not alone in seeing these creepy vibes in an otherwise wicked (though hideously overplayed) song, then, yes. And I'll have to thank them, for they gave me the very same.

"What does he think when we kiss?"
(Lewisburg, Pennsylvania)
This case is also a bit sad, as this person is clearly confused about the nature of Google. It's not like a Magic 8 Ball, where you type in your query and it goes, "Well, Tammy, what your man friend is thinking is 'I wonder how much longer I have to stroke her hair before she lets me get up under the bra?'"
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
Essentially, no, I can't be sure. But if I know guys (and let's not kid ourselves, I really don't), he's probably trying to determine from the amount of tongue you're using how far you're going to let him get that evening. Hint: easy on the tongue, try to keep it neat and practice safe sex.

"harry hopes cary ill"
(Illinois)
Yeah...I'm just as baffled as you are.

"do canadians have people on new naked?"
(Montreal)
This is a bit confusing, as Montreal is (for the most part) still in Canada, as far as I know. I can only guess that they were asking if the anchors on the evening news are naked - which I'm pretty sure they aren't.
The other possible option is that this person is wondering whether Canada has settings that we put ourselves on - like "I'm on naked, she's on clothed (oh shit)". And then, on top of this bizarre setting, we have a new sort of "naked". Again, if this system exists, I sure missed the memo.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I think what this person needs can't really be found on a humble blog such as this.

"alex turner not good looking"
(Perth)
I don't know what sort of crazy talk this person is into, but the only acceptable option I can think of is that this person one day woke up and asked themselves, "Is it possible that there is a picture of Alex Turner where he's not looking damn fine?" Who among us has not wondered the same thing?
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
No. The unflattering picture of Alex Turner is simply a myth, kids.

"I wont to kiss zach efron talk a photo to kiss"
(Maryland)
You know, it's amazing how grammar and spelling falls by the wayside on Google. But more amazing is how any sort of common sense seems to evaporate at the sight of those blue, yellow and red letters.

To attempt to decode this disturbing search, we must first break it down. It appears this person "wont[s]" to kiss "zach efron." It's entirely possibe that she (really, let's assume it's a young girl - this case is nauseating enough without imagining otherwise) knows a boy from school named Zach Efron, but sadly, evidence points to the shocking fact that many girls (at least 27) want to kiss the celebrity Zac Efron. What's really confusing is the "talk a photo to kiss". No matter how I reconstruct it, it doesn't work (or become anything but unsettling).
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I'll give you this and that's it:


Have no fear, I will continue to track the disconcerting things people search and keeping you readers informed!

make me want you, make me miss you, make me wonder where you are, then forget you

You thought you'd heard every song they'd ever made a billion times...

Deep Tracks by Overexposed Artists:

"The Lady in My Life" by Michael Jackson

Okay, it's on Thriller, so it's probably the "deep track" most people have heard. Still, this is the song that proves my longtime belief that Michael Jackson is the best ad-libber of all time. (And here I'm using 'ad lib' to mean all the "ooh", "baby", "yeah", etc.) I usually start this song at the 2:30 point, as the last two and a half minutes are all gorgeous adlibbing. MJ 4 Eva y'all!

"Why Should I Be Sad" by Britney Spears
My favourite track off Blackout, this slow - but not, God forbid, a ballad - number is pop genius. Clearly intended as a kiss-off to K-Fed, I think it's beautiful. The one included on the playlist below is slightly slowed-down, but still fantastic.

"She Lives in My Lap" by OutKast
The B-side to the equally-genius "Prototype" (which I've raved about before), this dreamy song featuring voices and laughs from Rosario Dawson is quirky, sweet, creative and eccentric. I'm glad it wasn't played eight trillion times on the radio a la "Hey Ya" - it's much more meaningful this way.

"Wavin' Bye to the Train or Bus" by the Arctic Monkeys
This is another case, in my opinion, of a song that has kickass verses and a weak chorus. But the verses? Kickass indeed! Maybe one of my favourite Arctic Monkeys lines ever with the "Oh, baby, I'm wantin' to do you a swap/I'll give you anything, yeah, in return for them noises you've got"

"Distant Lover" by Marvin Gaye
I used to really dislike this track from Let's Get It On, in fact, it was the only song I didn't love off that album. However, suddenly one day, I listened to it and realized its genius and beauty in one flash. Especially the "please, please, baby" at 1:03.

deep tracks...

lord knows, he sure is fine, aint he fine?

Back in my younger, boy-crazy days (about a year ago), I would have my signature (ha) Top 10 Sexiest lists, all the damn time. They occured usually twice a year, and often had themes. A little history for ya, it began back in summer of 2006 and Prince, Mick Jagger and Alex Turner are the only celebrities who made the list everytime. But then, who knows what happened, but my Sexy lists fell by the wayside and I focused on reality for once (what a concept..), and now it's been almost a year...well I won't have it anymore! With 2008 drawing to a close, here's my current

Top 10 Sexiest Men Of All Time

1. Andre 3000 has been something of a mainstay on this list, but this is the first time he's taken the crown. I can't deny it any longer...I need Andre 3000 in my life.

2. Mick Jagger - Oh, God, yes...

3. Jimi Hendrix is so sexy sometimes I can't even look at him. He's almost painfully goodlooking.
4. Glenn Goins - This is a little awkward, actually. The way I feel about Glenn Goins, it's almost like having a crush on Jesus or something.

5. Prince - well, obviously.

6. Alex Turner - It's hard to find a recent picture of him without Alexa...sigh

7. Hyde must be incredibly unphotogenic, as I can't find a single picture that properly demonstrates his sex appeal. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about though.

8. Keith Richards...making bacon....really, what else do you need from life?

9. Jason Schwartzman is good-looking, sure, but sometimes personality just takes someone to the next level.

10. Lenny Kravitz's music? Meh. Hair, style, face, general aura? Yesss, please!

What do you think? Answer the poll in the sidebar for your feedback to be counted. And by counted I mean, I'll look at it, judge you and then never think about it again.

(*subject to change depending on mood)

don't bring me no bad news, don't tell me the concert's been called off

The Top 5 Concerts I've Been To:

1. George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic
Date: July 20th, 2008
Location: Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Proximity to stage: About 20 feet
Highlight: "Cosmic Slop" featuring Michael "Kidd Funkadelic" Hampton
Youtube clip for your enjoyment: A heavy badass version of "You and Your Folks, Me and My Folks" , an awesome version of "Bounce 2 This" featuring the ridiculously cool Kendra Foster
2. Prince
Date: August 17th, 2007
Location: London, England
Proximity to the stage: About 1.4 miles
Highlight: Hearing a brief excerpt of one of my favourite Prince songs, "If I Was Ur Girlfriend", and a gorgeous version of "Shhh"
Youtube clip for your enjoyment: Ha, yeah, right!

3. Arlo Guthrie
Date: April 6th, 2007
Location: Vancouver, BC
Proximity to stage: About 15 rows back
Highlight: All his fantastic stories, and hearing one of my favourite songs of all time "Coming into Los Angeles" done live...oh, yeah, and meeting the guy!
Youtube clip for your enjoyment: Unfortunately, none from the concert. However, anyone can get a kick out of Arlo Guthrie's legendary Woodstock performance of "Coming into Los Angeles", which (fun fact) is my favourite part of the Woodstock movie
4. the Arctic Monkeys

Date: September 30th, 2007
Location: Vancouver, BC
Proximity to the stage: About 5 feet
Highlight: "From the Ritz to the Rubble"
Youtube clip for your enjoyment: "Nettles/The View from the Afternoon", featuring Alex going "Someone's got a laser pen...didn't know you could still get those" around 1:27...another special bonus is that the person who filmed this was standing right behind me so you can see the exact view I had, and as well, at about 3:27 you see my turn my head to say something to my friend

5. Black Mountain
Date: August 29th, 2008
Location: Victoria, BC
Proximity to the stage: Front row...I was sitting on the stage during some points
Highlight: When they played one of my favourite songs of all time, "Wucan"...and when I met the keyboard player, who told me the secret of "Wucan"
Youtube clip for your enjoyment: Unfortunately there's none available from the show I was at, but here's "Wucan" live at a different show

[all pictures from the original concerts I was at; none taken by me - I don't want to waste my time at a concert I really enjoy trying to get a picture!]

Of course, I've seen more than 5 concerts, and my apologies to Talib Kweli, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, REM, Crosby Stills & Nash, k-os, Marianne Faithfull and others...all of whom put on excellent shows. These are simply the best of the best, and if you happen to notice that any of them are in your town, I must insist that you go see them. You'll thank me for it later!

i've seen the future and it works

Next on the deliciously unchronological Favourite-Records-of-a-Decade list...the 2000s! So far, at least.

My Top 5 Favourite Albums from the 2000's:

Outkast - Speakerboxxx/The Love Below:
Now this album is amazing because it gives and gives and gives. 40 tracks, alll over the map. I've aways thought Big Boi's Speakerboxxx was unfairly overshadowed by Andre's much-more-eccentric Love Below, because Speakerboxxx is truly a fantastic and unique album. Had it been released alone, it likely could've received the full respect it deserves. However, The Love Below really is the star here. Andre lay it all out here, impersonating Cupid (the ridiculous and awesome "Happy Valentine's Day"), having a conversation with "God" ("Amen....sorry, sorry, A-lady"), and praising the classy broads ("Behold a Lady"). Outkast is hope for the new milennium.
Favourite track: "Prototype", one of the straight-up coolest songs I've ever heard

Black Mountain - In the Future:
I'm so pleased that I discovered this band, and this album because it reminds me that rock'n'roll didn't die in 1980 when Led Zeppelin split up. Dark, mysterious, hard and heavy, it is a masterpiece. The spectacular cover art? A bonus.
Favourite track: "Wucan", one of the most amazing songs I've ever heard

the Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not:
It's been awhile, hasn't it? But that doesn't mean I have any less love for the brilliant Arctic Monkeys debut. The best part is definitely the lyrics, astonishingly mature. But, really, what can I say that hasn't already been said about this superhyped record?
Favourite track: "From the Ritz to the Rubble"

Michael Jackson - Invincible:
This is almost embarassing, but the album is so great I don't mind. As a fomer hardcore MJ fan, I've heard pretty much every song he's ever released. Of his albums, Invincible is still one of my favourites, and I listen to it even more than I listen to Thriller (not that I listen to Thriller a lot). Sure, a lot of it is pretty generic, but the ballads are beautiful and the dance tracks are fun. Michael proves his voice is still fantastic, and a good time is had by all. Would prefer a less...stark cover though.
Favourite track: "You Rock My World", in my opinion, the greatest MJ song of all time

Van Hunt - On the Jungle Floor:
I got this album for $3 at a thrift store, not expecting too much, but once again, I got ridiculously lucky. It's so refreshing to see a neosoul artist being so creative. Sometimes he sounds like Lenny Kravitz ("Ride, Ride, Ride") and sometimes he sounds like Prince ("If I Take You Home[Upon...]"), but he always sounds like something new and beautiful.
Favourite track: "No Sense of Crime", a soul version of a Stooges song (all I can find for free is a 30-second clip, but if you like what you hear, it is worth purchasing!)