Friday, March 06, 2009

hey, hey, hey, that cat's okay

Maybe if we all lived life frolicking about a Diablo Cody movie, we could all the oh-so-enviable person who seems to have an awesomely random quote that suits an occasion perfectly. Unfortunately, this can be tough, as the moments that most fervently call for a well-timed, well-chosen, well-delivered quote are the moments when it's most difficult to think of one. To your rescue, as usual, I have developped a easy-to-use guide to movie/television quotes and when they're best employed.
Here's what to say to make people eavesdropping on your conversation wish they were your friend.

"N.C. - No class!"
Background: This Fat Albert & the Cosby Kids catchphrase is definitely my most-often used quote. Usually spoken by Rudy or Russell
Situation to use: Your friend falls over drunk, a guy makes an immature joke, you spy a girl throwing herself at a guy - basically anytime someone behaves in a way that you imagine the Queen would sniff her nose haughtily upon witnessing.
Delivery: The "N.C." preceding is optional, but adds a more specificness to the quote. A wittier prefacing phrase is "You're like school on Saturday: no class!" Study Russell's disgusted tone here at 3:08 - you'll want to capture this sort of casually irreverent superiority.
What it says about you as a person: You're witty, retro, impossibly hip and possess a sublime sense of humour.
If you liked this quote, why not try...: some other good-natured insults like "They oughta call you a broken clock...cause you don't know what time it is!" and "They oughta call you a paratrooper...cause you fell down on the job"; prefacing any phrase that ends with the sound "ay" with "Hey, hey, hey"

"It's all happening!"
Backgound: Almost Famous...need I say any more?
Situation to use: Life is going well/something good happens
Delivery: With almost-innocent enthusiasm and pure joy, such as Polexia at 1:09 here.
What it says about you as a person: You're an optimistic rocker chick with a wild spirit and a heart of gold.
If you liked this quote, why not try...: "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!" (when you're feeling free, or drunk, or both); "You'll meet them all again on the long journey to the middle" (when offering words of pseudo-comfort); "...this is the maid speaking, by the way" (when you have revealed information that you don't want to take credit for revealing)

"You see what God just did to us, man?!"
Backgound: Fear and Loathing in Las they accidentally let some of their cocaine blow away
Situation to use: Something bad happened that was pretty much definitely your fault
Delivery: Bewildered dismay
What it says about you as a person: You're pure, grade-A rad.
If you liked this quote, why not try...: "As your attorney, I advise you to slow down...I can't keep up!" (when somebody's out partying you and it's not okay - and, let's face it, this is never okay); "I'd rather not say - my brother's in politics" (when someone asks your name and you don't want to tell them, though, sadly, this is probably way too obscure for anyone to pick up on); "I am fortune's fool!" (this isn't Fear and Loathing - it's Shakespeare - but it applies to the same situation and adds a touch of class)

"That's just, like, your opinion, man."
Backgound: The Big Lebowski, when Jesus tells the Dude and Walter that he's going to fuck them up
Situation to use: Somebody states an insulting fact (preferably not an actual opinion)
Delivery: Like you just don't give a fuck.
What it says about you as a person: You're chill. And awesome.
If you liked this quote, why not try...: anything from The Big Lebowski, at any time.

"Milk was a bad choice."
Backgound: Ron Burgandy in Anchorman while drinking milk from the carton during a hot summer's day
Situation to use: Whenever you've made any sort of bad decision. For example, the other day I went for a bike ride but misjudged the temperature and didn't wear gloves, so I said (to myself) "Milk was a bad choice." In this analogy, "milk" represented my lack of gloves. You follow? Also, if you happened to see the movie "Milk" and you didn't like it, well, there's a golden opportunity right there.
Delivery: Study this.
What it says about you as a person: You're amusing, fun to be with, perhaps guilty of making poor decisions now and then, but humble enough to admit it.
If you liked this quote, why not try...: "Oh yeah, about that, it's probably just the pants, I was meaning to take them back to the, uh, pants store" (when someone informs you that you have a massive erection); "There are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you" (when your boyfriend says "I love you" for the first time - seriously, you must, he'll think it's hilarious...probably); "I will take your mother out to a nice seafood dinner and NEVER call her again!" (when you want to insult someone to their core)

And of course, Zoolander is the safest bet of all time.


Sister Libby said...

"I AM A GOLDEN GOD" is my go to phrase for cannonballing and other such acts of "i'm a wild and crayyyzeee party broad!". And this is genius. I also say "by the hammer of thor!" and "great odins ravin!" from time to time, but most people here don't understand. But "no class" will be used copiously when I come home. And I can sort of imagine how you speak, and I think that you have a perfect example of "west coast" langauge. Like, I'm sort of naievely assuming British Columbians (this is BC, not columbians residing in britain) and Washingtonians have similar speech patterns...but yeah, I think you are a great example of a chill west coast dialect, and will start using things like "no class" and "that's just like, your opinion man" in my examples of the difference between Eastern US and Western US accents.

Keith said...

Hey Molly. Those are great. Wow! I'll have to keep some of those in mind from now on. You always post such witty blog posts. You are constantly giving me new things to think about. Thanks. Have a great weekend. Cheers!

Jill said...

I think Diablo Cody must be just incredibly cool. I love United States of Tara...great lines in that show. My husband's goto quotes are, "I like the way you talk" from Slingblade, which he morphed into "I like the way you gobble" yesterday. I'm not sure why. The other is "I'm gonna splode like a cobra"...Evander Holyfield let that one rip before a fight several years ago.

Very inventive post, Chica!

Diana said...

ahahaha i also agree that Zoolander is the best one.

Anonymous said...

haha love the almost famous reference that movie is full of so many good quotes "this is a house of lies!" "my son has been kidnapped by rockstars!" "in the real world..." "where do you get off?"

w. said...

molly this was genius! love it, something on your blog always makes me laugh/smile.

Allison said...

This list is fantastic. Seriously, I was watching Juno last night with my mom and she turned to me and said, "Are all people your age really this witty?"

My friends and I talk about people ALL the time saying "no class." But, I never even KNEW it originated with the Cosby kids and Fat Albert. It's my favorite the to say when I see a hottie with her thong hanging out...all class, obviously.

And I honestly want to punch my brother in the face whenever he says "That's just like, your opinion man." He says it like I'm retarded, which I guess is the point behind it :)

Awwe, I'm so glad I found your blog too! You're fantastic! said...

all I can deliver is a massive LOL.

The Big Leboswki probably the most fun quotable movie of all time...

'Don't be fatuous Jeffrey.'

'It's bat country!'

copperoranges said...

i quote so much zoolander. luckily my boyfriend watched it with me and usually catches it with me.

Anonymous said...

sure, dear. of course i will vote for you. its only fair since you are the only one who voted for me :)

this wheel's on fire said...

OMG this post made me so happy Molls :D

I usually drop "It's all happening" into the conversation at least once a day, so I'm getting pretty annoying with that.

This made me laugh ;)

Mimi said...

Love these Molls! Such a great and witty post, I can't get enough.

Zoolander is the best, too many to choose from


Crazy Eddie said...

You see what God did to us man.

Hands down my favorite of the bunch. I have personally found myself on occasion saying something similar to that when I drop a bud of weed on my hunter green rug. A needle in an effing haystack I say...

Great list my starlet. You've implanted some great ideas into my skull with these. I must utilize them.

Besitos my Princessa

Eyeliah @ said...

did I not comment yet? This was awesome. I laughed so much thanks! Milk was a bad choice.

jess said...

I quote Zoolander and sometimes people dont gt it. But no class is such a great thing to say at any time so is anything from almost famous.

p.s. I got my dress for 3 bucks and the jacket for 5

WAT said...

OH MY GOD. Hilarious quotes there and quite useful. Who knew?

"American Beauty" has great movie/life quotes and so does "Stand By Me". I always find myself saying stuff to myself or out loud from those movies.