Thursday, April 02, 2009

i want to sleep in the city that never wakes up and revel in nostalgia

Back in January, I did a post that a lot of people (including me) seemed to get a bit of a kick out of. Basically, I have a feature in my sidebar called Feedjit, which tells me where people who visit my blog are from and how they got there. And, frankly, I've seen some weird Google searches lead to my blog. Even though I'm super-duper busy and whatnot, I've kept track of some of the more curious searches to share with you today.

"what does it means kiss your flower?"
(El Paso, Texas)
Well, for one thing, this person doesn't know the first order of business when encountered with a slang phrase you're unfamiliar with. Urban Dictionary could have solved your conundrum before you made it through the first page of Google's flower ads. Frankly, I Googled for myself and my blog wasn't on the first or second page (after that, I got bored and stopped) - which means they went through pages and pages to find an answer to their dire query.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I'll spell it out for ya:
Get it? Good.

"Bojana panic nude pictures"
(Southport, England)
Okay...I've heard of people who get off on pain...I've heard of people who get off on being dominated...I've heard of people who get off on all kinds of weird things...but panic? Panic in itself? Hmm...these must be the type of people who get caught jerking off in the back aisle of Godzilla or something.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
No, I'm afraid not.

I was lying when I said "I'm afraid not."

"alex turner sexy face"
(Sydney)
Q: What's an Alex Turner sexy face?
A: All of them, of course!
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I'll give them what we all need.
Photobucket
Yeah, you're welcome.
"Sexy face"...last time "tight pants" - I'm filling all Alex Turner-super-ghetto-collage requests.

"sexy girls downy pics"
(Istanbul)
Granted, I've never been to Istanbul, but where I come from "sexy" and "downy" are pretty much mutually exclusive. Maybe they mean something different when they say "downy" but I'm really not going to Google it to find out. It's a sick world out there.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
Institutionalization? No.

"what happened to alex turner he looks weird"
(Mexico)
Please...give generously.
But in all seriousness, this comment made me realize I hadn't seen any recent pictures of Alex Turner, so I did a quick Google search (see, kids, I can do it too) and found a picture from this past February.
Let's just say I was so far from disappointed I'm not even going to bother looking up the antonym for "disappointed". You see, he's grown out his hair.
The single most crucial thing a guy can do to better his appearence...and better it he did.

Sexy before, but feast your eyes on THIS:
He's always been a handsome chap, but with hair like that...A+++
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I provided them with proof that they either are visually impaired or that they have what they kids today call "wack" taste.

"men forced into silk nightgowns"
(New Brunswick)
This person might be my new hero. I don't know what prompted them to search this, but the mere image makes me giddy.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I wish.

"she may never freak again"
(Wisconsin)
On the flip side, this may be the most depressing phrase I've ever read. Never freak again? Never??
Imagining hearing this from a doctor nearly brings me to tears. Way to end this one a downer.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I don't know...what does one need in this sort of situation? I can only hope I offered some sort of marginal amount of solace.

And there ya have it. As long as people keep Googling messed up shit, I shall be there.

23 comments:

Diana said...

mmm you caught me on some questions...haha


sirens!! i love the name already!

Jill said...

I swear to everything sacred the first one wasn't me!

jayne said...

omfg alex turner...droooool haha

Allison said...

Yessss please to Alex Turner :) Mmmm, his hair makes him so much more delicious - I absolutely adoreee hair like that!

Seriously, this made me laugh so hard Molly!

And that poor thing that will never freak again... terrible. Actually quite a few of these were highly fucked up, which makes it all the better :) Definitely keep this up, girl!

Eyeliah @ stylesymmetry.com said...

lol! Thanks for the flower kissing diagram!

Madeline said...

Dude you totally left a comment on my blog like a year after I abandoned it.

Your are the bomb lady. I still read yours fyi I just don't write on mine at all anymore haha. Maybe I'll start again.

Maddy said...

Oh shit I accidentally posted that comment on the wrong account (I have a different account for different purposes) ANYWAY it's me. Maddy if you recall. Please don't post that last comment. Or this one for that matter, since it won't make sense without the last one. GOD I even manage to make things awkward on the internet.

copperoranges said...

that last one made me laugh out loud.

Sister Libby said...

Haha, men forced into silk nightgowns just made me giddy too. And thank you for the alex turner montauge...er, collage. It was a nice refresher...

twenty.seven.cents said...

This has perked my interest and I will be investing in such a 'Feedjit'... although not many people visit my blog.. but still...
Also... I'm a fan of long hair... but I don't know. you can't see his eyes.. or his funny little mouth expressions that well... I go with a thumbs down to the Alex Turner with long hair.. I'm SORRY! lol
Cheers :)

Keith said...

Hey Molly. Great post as usual. I always love seeing what you've posted next. I don't usually comment on other guy's looks, but I do think Alex looks even better with his new hair. Have a great weekend. Cheers!

Twiggy Mod said...

Best post everr.

Lovinf "sexy alex" indeed.

have a good weekend x

ily2dns said...

Hey Molly!
how are youu? it's ¶ MICHELLE.K I left a message on my other blog for you to read because some hacker got into my email and changed all my passwords ><

Twobreadsplease said...

These are fantastic searches, haha. I particularly enjoyed your flower diagram. xx

Victoria C said...

haha this is such a funny post!
ps i am so glad to meet someone who shares my love for alex turner. he is a god xx

jess said...

I almost died from laughter at this post especially that diagram. Alex is looking quite foxy lately.

fritha louise said...

hahaha, this made me laugh so much, especially the flower diagram.
i'm going to be seeing arctic monkeys at reading festival this year, hopefully i can get near enough to drool over alex turner properly.

Eddie said...

I can see how Downy and Sexy can somehow be related with each other. When you've washed your fluffiest towels with Downy and find yourself over drying your nether regions because of the soft-as-a-baby's ass texture, then I can see the correlation...

"These must be the type of people who get caught jerking off in the back aisle of Godzilla or something..."

I laughed for a good hot minute when I read that.

I absolutely loved this post. Bravo, another classic.

Besitos forever

PS. I just recently lost my beautiful aunt Miriam and this post gave me a much needed uplift. Thanks for that Molly love.

Cassiopeia said...

hahaha that's hilarious! got to try it :-D

thanks for your lovely comment!

xxxc

http://clothestohealabrokenheart.blogspot.com/

clorivak said...

sigh...alex...all super cute photos! that was great!

w. said...

alex turner has seem to have gotten thinner to me? no more baby fat? haha.

+++ love that k-os song, they play it where i work, & i may be going to see parliamnet in the beginning of may :]

Amber said...

Oh, you genius! I almost wish I had gotten to your blog by some filthy phrase now.

Carmen said...

That is hilarious, particularly imagining "what happened to Alex turner he looks weird" spoken with a mexican accent! Oh, and to give some relief for those who found this guy/gals sexual search a bit disturbing; Bojana Panic is a model/actress:)