i am not of your world. hold still, baby, i wont do you no harm - i think i'll be good to you

My third tag post in a row, but I've been seeing this one around and secretly hoping someone would tag me for it. Diana to the rescue!

The rules:
With as much creativity as you can muster, show your heart in:
1 picture
1 poem
1 song or piece of music
1 phrase or quote
1 item of clothing
1 place
1 Disney princess

Picture: It took me a long time to figure this one out - and that's true for most of the parts of this fantastically deep tag - but I finally settled on this picture of Funkadelic. It's quirky, interesting, not really funny but not really serious, colourful, retro, there's a Native American headdress and pinstriped pants, and I'm now fiending to relax on that hill. Also, there's some guy climbing a tree.

Poem:
Because I'm not personally that into poetry, I'd rather use the lyrics to a George Clinton & the P-Funk Allstars song called "Because/The Last Time Zone"
The lyrics really are more like spoken word than an actual song, and I've always found this song to be so intensely beautiful. Because the song is pretty obscure, I haven't been able to find a copy of the lyrics on the Internet. Here they are, as best as I can figure them out:

the moon is quiet
and here i exist in the next phase of the final unrest
no one ever filled me in with a clue
but my mind has worked its way
at sunrise
as i awaken
into a deep dream
im free

i can see the break of day coming through my window
feel your body next to mine sends my soul away

now what was next?
was i to lay up and die? or just stalemate
in the next time zone
i slip into some cd screen player with no vision

i thought daybreak was my high
until the day i met you in the crack of dawn

is a brighter day just some old holographic insert?
i see it now that you're not really there

i have always imagined my love for you to be the displacement of my wandering mind

i stroll around in your head
lots of shit that can't be said stopping me
it's just the last time zone

mother terror, you are the world to me
and in time to come, you will discover my love for you

i thought the daybreak, i thought the daybreak
was my high

you are the only place i can put my feet
without you as a base, where can i stand?
somewhere in the last time zone, flash is the motivation
and in the midst of this awakening, i loosen the pus from my eyes to see another day
i thank god for youbut i also apologize on behalf of me and my kind
for disappointing maintenance and painful care of your beauty
for so long, i have yearned to die and again resurrect my head on your breast
my rebirth
mother earth

welcome to the last time zone

Because-The Last Time Zone - George Clinton & the P-Funk Allstars

Song:
I guess it's kind of cheating to have two songs, but the last one was really about this lyrics, and this ones more about the song in it's entirety! It's the first song from the first Funkadelic album: "Mommy, What's a Funkadelic?"

Mommy, Whats a Funkadelic? - Funkadelic
"Let me kiss your mind. Let me slide a yard of tongue down your throat; there's nothing wrong with that - merely a kiss. Or is everyone afraid to say kiss me, baby?"
"Dedicated to the feeling of good - and, baby, I'm good at being good"
"Let me play with your emotions, for nothing is good unless you play with it"
"What's so nasty about funky music? Feels good to me"
"We don't need no words, just feelings"
"I was cool but I had no groove. But now? Fly on, baby. Fly on, cause I got it"

Quote:
"There are only two ways to live. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as if everything is"
-Albert Einstein

Item of clothing:
Tough call but I'll give it to this stunningly beautiful caftan I'm selling on my online vintage store. For one thing, it's my favourite colour (electric blue), it has a fantastic ethnic print and richly colourful designs.

Place:
I really love London, San Francisco and New Mexico, but I guess the place I relate to the most is my hometown: Victoria, BC. Its a fantastic mix of gorgeous natural beauty and exciting city life (I sound like a travel brochure, I know, but I am pathetically in love with Victoria).

Disney princess:
I asked Nicola to help me on this one and she suggested Princess Jasmine. This was obviously thrilling as Jasmine is the most awesome Disney princess of all. According to her Wikipedia page, she is "shown to be brave, intelligent, strong, independent, fiery, and charitable. She can also be quite cunning." I do love the word "cunning". Also Nicola said she could picture me in her outfit, and I could too.

This was the best tag ever.

it ain't beethoven, but it sure bounces

Despite foistering upon us the agony that is High School Musical, among many other infractions, I still feel that Disney has given us so much, not only in terms of freaking awesome movies, but musical gifts as well (and I'm not counting the Jonas Brothers here).

My Top 5 Favourite Disney Songs

5. "Everybody Wants to Be a Cat" (The Aristocats)
Ever wondered what would happen if cats got their hands on some chronic (and, uh, could talk and play instruments and dance)? They'd be beatniks, of course!
Racism scoring: 3/10
2:53-3:00 is pretty bad, but other than that, they're only dissing the entire human race - and any being that isn't a cat.
Highlight: 4:34, when they shake off the Duchess' mellow little number, and come back full schwang, gospel chorus-style ("Hallelujah"'s and all)


4. "Love" (Robin Hood)
I know I just posted about this one recently, but the song is so pretty, whimsical and a perfect summary of Robin and Maid Marian's laidback romance. I also adore her voice.
Racism scoring: 0/10
Miracle of miracles! I couldn't detect any racism at all on that one, just true love. Sigh, how beautiful.
Highlight: Not to be, like, super-cheesy, but the way they put their arms around each other in the very last second melted my heart. As for the song, 0:53-1:16 has Maid Marian's humming/half-singing making her sound very content. You know Robin Hood could satisfy any woman...er, fox, I mean.


3. "I Wanna Be Like You" (The Jungle Book)
Okay, this song just rules. No joke, I've got this on my iPod and I dance to it every day. It's way too much fun. I haven't seen the movie in about 10 years or so, but this song is genius.
Racism scoring: 7.5/10
It's not something a child would pick up on, but looking back, it's very clearly a statement reflecting how, in that day and age, many white people thought black people wanted to be white, civilized and "human" like them. I don't want to elaborate more, as once it was pointed out to me, it did detract from my enjoyment of the song, but I think if you watch it from that angle, it's pretty obvious.
Highlight: No doubt in my mind: "Rr-rrrr, getting mad, baby" (3:06)


2. "What Made the Red Man Red?" (Peter Pan)
I know, I know...growing up in an area very well-populated by First Nations people, I've always had a deep affinity for their culture. However, I'd be lying if I said Peter Pan didn't have something to do with that. I just flat-out adore this song.
Racism scoring: 11/10
It doesn't get any worse than this:
Insinuating that Aboriginal language is made up mumbo-jumbo ("Hana means what mana means and ganda means that too"), explaining why their skin in darker ("Let's go back a million years to the very first Injun prince/He kissed a maid and started to blush/and we've all been blushing since") and finally, discrediting any other sources ("You've got it right from the headman/the real true story of the red man/no matter what's been written or said")...have the First Nations people not suffered enough??
Highlight: Well, I've gotta say that Tiger Lily is one of the best dancers I've ever seen (1:25-1:33) and it has long been my goal to dance like her. And also, all political correctness aside about a minute (this is between us, okay, stranger?), I find the stories they set up hilarious.


1. "Poor Unfortunate Souls" (The Little Mermaid)
I have way too much fun with this song. When I listen to it (and I do that fairly often), I have to dance around and sing along and generally impersonate Ursula.
Racism scoring: 1/10
It's not doing purple-skinned people any favours, that's for sure.
Highlight: "You'll have your looks! Your pretty face! And don't underestimate the importance of....body language, ha!" (3:12-3:22) And then, further advice from Ursula, feminist extraordinaire: "The men up there don't like a lot of blabber/They think a girl who gossips is a bore/Yes, on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word/And, after all, dear, what is idle prattle for? Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation/True gentlemen avoid it when they can/But they dote and swoon and fawn on a lady who's withdrawn/It's she who holds her tongue who gets her man"

Do you agree with my choices? What's your favourite Disney song?

brace yourselves, a long post at last!

You Americans have been plagued by High School Musical for far too long. In Canada, it's not the smash obsession it is in the States. When I went there this summer and there was High School Musical e v e r y t h i n g, I was sort of taken aback, because in Canada, most people hadn't heard of it. It's more wellknown now, but I'm very pleased to say we haven't been buying our kid's High School Musical backpacks and tickets to High School Musical on ice. I saw the movie (and I'm tired of typing it out, not to mention the itallics) with my eight-year-old cousin, who worships Zac Efron (shudder) and I found it very hilarious. For one thing, who would believe that someone who looks like Vanessa Hudgens (third from right, and please take a moment to admire her 'rocker' pose...no, your eyes aren't fooling you...she really is that hardcore!) would be geeky and unliked? The girl could be a deaf mental retard with body odour issues, and still all the guys would be begging to have a roll in the hay, knock boots, have sexual intercourse with her. Ashley Tisdale (second from right) gets kudos from me as the snooty bitch...definitely some believable thespian work. (No, I wasn't trying to type 'the lesbian'...that's fancy theatre for 'acting') And speaking of homosexuality, the guy on the right was magical...I really felt his pain of having to hide his lust for men from his bitchy sister and work out his frustrations through musical theatre. Wait, that sentence didn't make sense...trying to prove his heterosexuality through musical theatre? Best stick to that awesome pseudo-gang sign you're making. You just look like the kind of horny frat boy-type who'd tap his sister just because she's hot...but at least you're straight!
I actually really liked the idea for Disney Channel to make a Romeo and Juliet type movie. I couldn't wait for the gory deaths at the end...but wait, what's this? Some really shitty sing-along? Possibly involving basketballs? The credits? What happened to Gabriella drinking some poisonous concoction that her genius self was able to make? And Troy stabbing himself with the broken shards of the beaker she had used to make said poison?
People, people, if you're going to do Shakespeare, do it right.
(Oh my God, my High School Musical rant was just supposed to be a kind of introduction for my post. Lucky you, this means the longest post in the history of Ashcan Rantings.)
What it all comes down to, is who do you have to thank for High School Musical? Who's the skeezy culprit behind this butchering of Romeo and Juliet, this telling preteens, "High school rocks! It's all one big musical!"? It's the same asshole who gave us Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan.

The Disney Channel.

It sounds so simple, so innocent. Disney...la, la, la, la, la...the Lion King! Peter Pan! Cinderella! Snow White and the Seven Fucking Dwarves! Who doesn't love Disney?
No, my friend, this isn't dear old Walter the Sort-of Shifty and Sick, but We Love Him Anyway. This is a brand new, well-oiled, polishing, censoring, glamorizing, superstar-making, but more importantly, money-making machine. The Disney Channel.

Ashley Tisdale and Miley Cyrus

"Ashley's my best friend!" -Miley Cyrus
"Dylan and Cole are like my little brothers!" -Ashley Tisdale
"Dylan and Cole are some of my best friends!" -Miley Cyrus
"I knew Zac for years before we did High School Musical so we were already friends." -Ashley Tisdale

"When I'm hanging out with Zac and Ashley and everyone..." -Miley Cyrus

You just know all these kids hate each other right? You put a dozen or so kids, all vying to be supermarketable, triple threat (every Disney Channel star has a singing career, with very few exceptions), let's face it, surely egomaniac teenagers together, there is going to be drama. This is Reality TV's wet dream, but you know the Disney Channel would never allow it.
All the interviews are so orchestrated from behind the scenes, and it's so obvious. I almost want to be a Disney Channel Star just so I can have an interview that goes like this:

Preteen Magazines: So who's your celebrity crush?
Me: Well, I've always wanted to fuck Mick Jagger, you know? Hey, did you hear about how he had sex with Bowie? Is that a dream threesome or what?

Preteen Magazine [makes mental note to edit it to "Brad Pitt", the supersafe answer]: So how are you and your costars getting along?
Me: Oh, Lord, they're such little bitches. I have never met such self-centered brats in my life.
(Publicists rushes out, fires me immediately, takes all my money, because you know they have scarily detailed contracts)
But at least I've got my dignity.

Cole and Dylan Sprouse aka "Cody and Zack"

Oh and speaking of celebrity sex? One final note:
I'm so going to deflower Cody.